“I don’t care,” my brother continued. “The terms were we work for Marco, not you.”
I didn’t know what to say. At that very moment, I didn’t feel like I was their brother. I felt lesser than them. They didn’t treat me like their equal. They treated me like I was a baby they had to protect because no one else would.
“I’m staying in here with you tonight.”
I looked at Dominic, and said, “Why?”
“Because I want to,” he answered.
I didn’t argue with him because I knew I would most likely need him to keep me calm. I wasn’t like my brothers; when they got scared, they dealt with it, but when I got scared, I ran to one of them to make me feel better. I always did, and I hated it, but it was something I couldn’t change about myself. Maybe that need for affection was why my brothers treated me like a kid under their feet in the first place.
I was a kid, but I had a responsibility coming my way that wasn’t childlike at all. Nala, my girlfriend of two years, was ten weeks pregnant with my child. She told me a few days ago, and I hadn’t talked to her since. I was fifteen. I wasn’t ready to be a father because I was still a kid myself. I didn’t know the first thing about babies, and I didn’t want to. I was terrified to become a father, but I was even more terrified of having a baby and loving it, because ever since my parents died, I had a fear that all the people I loved would leave me.
I had even found myself pretending that I didn’t even really love my brothers because I was so scared of one of them dying and leaving me. My mind had developed a fear, and I had no idea how to overcome it ... and what was worse, I didn’t know if I wanted to. I killed someone. I took another person’s life. Maybe God was punishing me for that; maybe the pain and fear I lived with was what I deserved.
Everything was all my fault.
Everything.
CHAPTER THREE
Eighteen years old ...
“Who are you glaring at?”
I didn’t look at Kane when I sat down next to him.
“No one.”
He followed my line of sight and chuckled.
“Alannah.”
I wasn’t glaring at Alannah ... just the pussies who were dancing next to her. Her focus was entirely on Bronagh as they laughed and danced, but the men around within their reach were focused on them. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like that I didn’t like it. Feeling anything for Alannah was bad news. She was a jewel, someone worth great value, and she was as precious as she was fragile. I messed up people’s lives, it was what I did, and I didn’t want to mess up her life. Keeping away from her when I was so wildly attracted to her was agony, but I endured it. I also endured her sweet smiles, the sound of her laughter, and the longing look of lust she often shot my way.
I withstood it all from the moment I had met her ... but I was starting to break.
“I’m not looking at her.”
Kane laughed and clapped his hand on my shoulder. “A blind man could see that you have feelings for her, little brother.”
“Feelings?” I choked. “I don’t have feelings for her. I don’t even know her all that well.”
Lie. Lie. Lie.
Kane raised a brow. “It’s more than attraction. You wouldn’t give a shit about other guys moving in on her if you only thought she was cute.”
I set my jaw. “Leave it alone, Kane.”
He looked from me to the dance floor, and said, “Never mind, she’s kissing another guy, so you don’t have to worry about her.”
I jerked my gaze in Alannah’s direction so fast I almost hurt my neck. My entire body was tensed to the point of pain, but when I saw Alannah still dancing with Bronagh and not paying attention to any of the guys around her, I looked back at my smirking brother and glared at him.
“You’re an asshole.”
“And you’re an idiot,” he countered. “You like the girl, so what’s the issue? Dominic is in love with Bronagh, and I’ve never seen him so happy. That same goes for Ryder and Branna. That could be you with Alannah.”
I rolled my eyes. “Since when do you give a shit about relationships?”
“I don’t,” Kane answered. “I care about you and the others, and if a relationship is what will make you guys happy, then I’m all for supporting them.”
I didn’t answer him, and he didn’t speak another word. We watched the girls as they danced, and before I knew it, I was on my feet and stalking in Alannah’s direction with Kane’s laughter echoing behind me. Some punk was dancing a little too close to her and had his eyes on her perfect body too long. He caught my eye as I approached, and when he saw the look on my face, he backed off, then disappeared into the crowd. I reached Alannah and tugged her towards me when I noticed that Bronagh was no longer with her.