I was confused with his anger.
“You’re mad at me,” I said, stating the obvious.
“I’m not mad at you, Lane,” Kale stated calmly. “I’m fucking livid with you.”
I stood up as I sensed a fight brewing. Kale did too, because he was on his feet before I was. “Why’re you angry?” I asked, confused.
“Because when I think about how things ended with us before you left me, it fucking infuriates me.”
What the hell? I thought.
I pointed my finger at him. “You walked away from me, Kale.”
“And you made damn sure of that, didn’t you, sweetheart?” he bellowed, his tone taking me by surprise. “You told me everything I wanted to hear a year too fucking late.”
“I never wanted you to look at me again the way you did the morning after we had sex, so when you told me you loved me, I lied and pushed you away to protect myself.”
“Are you kidding me?” he screamed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Lane?”
I backed away from Kale’s shaking form. He was fuming with rage.
“No!” he snarled, and shot forward into my personal space.
I wasn’t planning on leaving, but he was making sure I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
“You aren’t running away anymore,” he stated. “We’re going to hash everything out right fucking now.”
“I had to run away!” I screamed and shoved at his chest. “I couldn’t sit by and watch you play happy families with her. I couldn’t do it!”
“You didn’t give me time after that admission,” he snapped. “I realised the day after you left that I wanted you and not Drew, but you were gone, and I had a responsibility to step up with her.”
“Exactly,” I emphasised. “You had that – be thankful for it at least!”
“What the hell are you saying?” he shouted.
“If I’d told you I loved you, you wouldn’t have had Kaden!”
Kale stumbled back like I’d punched him. “Don’t you ever . . . don’t fucking ever justify your walking out on me by using my son, do you hear me?”
“I’m not justifying anything, Kale,” I said, my voice tight with emotion, “but it’s true. If I’d told you I loved you, if I’d pressed you out of your comfort zone, then Kaden would have never existed.”
Kale glared at me. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes,” I said, nodding, “I do.”
“How?” he growled.
“Because you would never have got back with Drew if you’d had me,” I whispered. “I see that now.”
Kale struggled to keep his composure. “So I’m supposed to be happy you left me? I’m supposed to be happy that I was robbed of six years with you?”
I shook my head. “No, you should be happy that I made a decision that led you to having Kaden, even if it was just for a short time, because I’m learning that having someone that special in your life is worth every second you have with them. Focus on that, focus on the time you had with Kaden, and you will be happy that you had him.”
My own words triggered something my dad had said to me the night before my uncle’s funeral. He’d said, “You can find yourself again, and possibly help Kale find peace in the process.”
“I’m realising that for myself too, Kale,” I said after a moment of laboured breathing. “It’s killing me that my uncle is gone, but I cherish all the time I had with him, every memory, every laugh and even every fight. Lavender too. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her, and I miss her every day, but it’s only because I loved her so much.”
I looked up at Kale’s glassy eyes. “I cherish every moment of our friendship before I left and lost you.” I swallowed. “But even though things hurt, Kale, if we focus on the good times, the love we have for our loved ones will outweigh the heartache we feel when we think of them. I thoroughly believe that.”
“Do you really think I can get to a point where I can be happy when I think of Kaden?” Kale asked me, his body still tensed.
“I do, and I’ll help you every step of the way, I promise.” My shoulders slumped. “You should be happy I didn’t get in the way of Kaden, Kale.”
Kale blinked at me. “You get in the way of everything, Lane.”
I frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I can’t see past you,” he said, and shook his head. “I’ve never been able to see past you.”
I waited for him to explain.
“When Kaden was born, all I wanted was for you to be his mum so you could experience how brilliant he was right along with me. How horrible of a person does that make me? Wishing Drew was you? When I lost him, I wanted you there to make losing him easier. When I had Drew, I wanted her to be you. Every decision I make, no matter how small or stupid, is always accompanied with the thought of you. I incorporate you into everything without even meaning to do it. You’re my life. You always have been.”
Kale carefully watched me from across the room as I processed what he said.
“Want or wanted?” I whispered.
He raised his eyebrows at me. “Wh-What?”
“You wanted me, or you want me?” I asked, sucking up every ounce of courage within my body.
Kale pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning against. “Don’t ask me that unless—”
“Unless what?” I interrupted.
“Unless you’re fully prepared for my answer.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Day one of forever
Worry filled me, but I didn’t care, I needed the answer.
I stood up straight as I said, “Kale, you wanted me, or you want me? I’m not running away from you anymore. I’m not running away from anything ever again, no matter how scared I am.”
He began to stalk towards me.
“Which one is it?” I asked with my head held high. “Because when it comes to you, it’s always been want for me.”
“I don’t want you, Lane,” Kale growled as he neared me. “I fucking need you.”
He rushed at me and collided into me with his massive, sculpted body. I almost whimpered as the touch I so desperately craved invaded my senses. Kale took possession of my lips and kissed me so hard that it almost hurt. His hands were on my cheeks, holding me in place, and his forehead was against mine as he kissed me with a hunger that I eagerly matched.
I felt the passion he was showing me deep in my bones.
I gasped into his mouth when his hands slid down my body, around my waist and down to my behind where he squeezed. He bent his knees a little, then without warning he lifted me up into the air.
“Wrap your legs around me,” he urged before taking my lips back as I became his willing captive.
I did as he asked and wrapped my legs around Kale’s hips and my arms around his neck. I hummed into his mouth as we kissed. I rolled my pelvis into him, and he growled into my mouth, causing a surge of excitement to shoot through me. I knotted my hands in his ha
ir and tugged on it, making him hiss as we kissed.
I grinned into his mouth, and he contracted his hands on my bottom, making me whimper a little as stinging pain hit me. It was Kale’s turn to grin then, and I quickly found that whatever I did to him, he would do back to me tenfold.
That might not be so bad, my mind purred.
“Bedroom,” I panted against his lips. “Now. I need you right now.”
I needed him more than I needed my next breath.
With me still in his arms, he walked out of the sitting room and headed down a hallway. Down at the end of the hallway, he pushed open the door into his room and stepped inside.
I screamed when my mouth was torn from Kale’s as I fell back through the air, only to land on a soft mattress. I gripped my chest and felt my heart slamming inside it. At Kale’s laughter, I shook my head.
“You bastard,” I said, laughing. “You frightened the life out of me.”
I leaned on my elbows as Kale gripped his T-shirt from behind his neck and pulled it off his body, throwing it behind him. I stared at his body in awe.
“Holy shit,” I breathed. “Kale, you have abs, and that V thing that is making me forget my own name.”
“Oblique muscles, they’re called oblique muscles.” He snorted and crawled onto the bed, nudging his way between my thighs. “I worked out a lot while you were away,” he said, then brought his mouth down to my neck.
I placed my hands on his chiselled back, and the muscles beneath my hands moved. The pulse between my thighs was becoming unbearably achy, for which I blamed Kale’s stunning body.
“You’re so hot,” I breathed.
Kale spoke in a low, guttural voice, “That’d be you.”
I felt my cheeks heat up. “I’m not the size I was when I left here. I’ve probably gained between fifteen and twenty pounds and look like I’ve aged forty years while you’ve gone and got yourself ripped and become even more gorgeous. That’s a shitty trade-off for you.”
Kale pulled back from kissing my neck and glared down at me. “You. Are. Beautiful.”
My heart thudded against my chest.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
His gaze was still hard as he stared down at me. “Do you remember when you were fifteen, and I stood behind you while we looked at you in the mirror, and I listed everything I thought was beautiful about you?”