“Are you on the first floor?”
“No, that’s Boris, my neighbor who’s in his eighties. I’m upstairs. We have to sneak in quietly so he doesn’t see you.”
“Why?”
“He’ll never leave you alone. He knows who you are.”
“How?”
He pulled out his phone to show me his screensaver. It was a picture of me.
Why did he still have that on his phone?
Once inside and upstairs, I took a look around. “This place is nice.”
Bruiser retreated to the corner of the room to play with his toy.
Rory’s place was cozy. He’d set up a small Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. A pellet stove was going, which made the space warm and toasty.
He walked over to the window and looked out, seeming to grab his bearings. I wandered around and couldn’t help noticing a framed photo of us sitting on his end table. This was the second photo of me I’d seen in two minutes.
Why did he still have photos of me?
His old Gibson guitar sat in the corner.
“Have you been playing guitar again?”
“Yeah. I’ve been trying to teach myself. It’s cathartic.”
“That’s nice.”
A long period of silence passed as he continued staring out the window.
He spoke with his back toward me. “How long have you and Channing been…” He wasn’t able to finish the sentence.
“Not long.”
“Do you care about him?”
There was no sense in lying. “I do. Very much.”
“Do you love him?”
Yes.
Do I admit that to him?
Closing my eyes, I spoke the truth. “Yes.”
That was the point he finally turned around to look at me, his eyes burning with pain.
Rory slowly approached before lifting his hand to my cheek and gently caressing it. “I’m fucking too late. Is that what you’re telling me?”
“What’s happening, Rory? Why are you acting like this?”
His voice was hoarse. “I lied to you.”
“What?”
“The reason I gave for breaking up with you…it was a lie.”
“You didn’t really want to see other people?”
“No.” He shook his head slowly and whispered, “No way.”
Utterly confused, I said, “Okay…what was the real reason?”
“It has to do with the accident.”
The accident.
It was one of the worst nights of my life, second only to the night Lainey died. I’ll never forget receiving the call that Rory was in the hospital after his truck was hit head on while he was driving home from work. Thankfully, he ended up being okay. But something definitely did change in him after that.
“What about the accident?”
“There’s something I never told you.”
A feeling of dread hit me. “What?”
He just stared at me for a while before finally spitting it out. “One of the worst injuries I sustained was to my groin area. The doctor had me undergo some tests as a result of the blunt trauma. He said I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to, but I felt that I needed to know…for your sake.”
“What kind of tests?”
“He tested my semen to see if my sperm production was affected. And basically the sample came up empty.” Rory looked down at his feet when he whispered, “I can’t have children.”
No.
Oh, my God.
No.
An indescribable sadness came over me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” My hands naturally fell to his, grasping them tightly.
“I guess…I didn’t want you to know, because I knew what you’d say and what you’d do. I knew you’d never leave me because of it. And I didn’t want to prevent you from having children of your own. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Love makes you do crazy things. I’d convinced myself that I needed to let you go. So, I saw breaking up with you as the only solution.”
“What changed? Why tell me now?”
“Because I’m weaker than I thought I was. I thought I could live without you. But I’ve been so miserable.”
Suddenly, everything was finally starting to make sense. “It never felt real. Now, I know why.”
He squeezed my hands harder. “How could I leave you? You’re perfect for me.” His voice cracked. “You’re the love of my life, Amber. I love you so much.”
I couldn’t believe this was happening. It seemed like I could feel my heart breaking, a heart that no longer only belonged to Rory.
Rory suddenly walked away.
“Where are you going?”
“I want to show you something.”
He returned holding a Tiffany blue gift bag. His hand was shaking as he took out a small box and opened it, revealing the exact ring I’d always dreamt about—the heart-shaped design from Tiffany’s.
“I had planned to propose to you at the Top of the Hub on our anniversary. I’d been holding onto this when the accident happened. I never dreamt that I wouldn’t have the chance to give it to you.”
My eyes were clouded with tears as I looked down at the ring. I refused to touch it because I didn’t feel like it was my place to do so anymore. “How did you know about this ring?”