He what?
“What? You had no right to do that!”
“I know that now. Believe me, I know I crossed a line.”
It was finally totally sinking in. “You canceled the request. Then, wait...who was I talking to?”
“That was me.”
Oh, my God.
“You pretended to be him?”
“Yes. I created an account so you would think you got a response.”
“Why would you do that?”
“It was a stalling mechanism, but it opened up a huge can of worms that I never anticipated. I swear to God…I never meant to hurt you. Please believe that. I only wanted to keep you safe. I just got myself in way too deep, and it spiraled out of control.”
“You wanted to keep me safe by lying to me, putting me in a position where I was comfortable telling you certain things I never would have admitted to you otherwise?” The realization of exactly what this meant came in waves. I covered my mouth in shock. “Oh, my God—some of the things I said about you to...him…to you! I am so mortified. Channing…seriously?”
Channing looked pained. “I never expected you to say those things about me, to talk about your attraction to me. It really caught me off guard…but not in a bad way, Amber. Fuck…in a good way.”
“I can’t believe this,” I whispered under my breath. I took a long sip of my wine then slammed the glass down on the table a little too hard. Thankfully, it didn’t shatter.
“Please, hear me out.” Channing placed his hand on my forearm. Despite my anger, my body still reacted to his touch. “I regret how I handled it,” he said. “It was an erratic decision based on fear. I really thought I was protecting you and just couldn’t handle the thought of you giving yourself to someone who didn’t give two shits about you besides collecting your money. But I know now that I had no right to make that decision for you. Once I took that first step, though, I couldn’t go back. It was like a domino effect. Fuck, Amber, I’m so sorry.”
Taking a few deep breaths, I tried my best to put this in perspective. Channing wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me. He just made a really poor judgment call. And he didn’t have to fess up at all. He chose to come clean.
“I suppose you could’ve just never admitted it. That would’ve been a lot easier. I respect the fact that you told me, even if I still don’t really understand how you could do this.”
“I never seriously considered not telling you. It crossed my mind, but in the end, I just couldn’t do it. My goal in emailing you like that was to buy more time in the hopes that maybe you’d change your mind and not want to go through with it.”
“Why did you need to come here tonight to tell me the truth? Why couldn’t you have done it at home? Why put me through this?”
“I felt like I needed to face you here, for some reason. I came to a realization last night when I was with Emily. And this time and place seemed appropriate to admit everything to you.”
“Why?”
He fell silent then said, “There’s more I need to say to you.”
“What more could there possibly be?”
He suddenly got up. “Let me get you another drink. You’re gonna need it.”
Still unable to believe this was happening, I watched Channing as he fumbled with his wallet over at the bar.
He approached holding another white wine for me and more of the same liquor in a shot glass for him.
My instinct was to thank him for the drink, but I stopped myself because technically, at the very least, he owed me alcohol for putting me in this situation.
“What else do you need to say to me?” I asked.
“I never expected you to say the things you did. You told me—him—that you wanted me. I haven’t really been able to get it out of my mind. That’s not something that I can just forget.”
“Yeah, well…try.”
He leaned in, suddenly seeming less unsure of himself and more direct. “I don’t want to forget it. What you may not realize is that I want you in the exact same way.”
To say I was surprised to hear him say that was an understatement. Especially given the reemergence of gorgeous Emily. I never expected to hear Channing say those words—that he wanted me.
“You want me? What about Emily?”
“I was with her last night. We were about to…you know…and I couldn’t. I was thinking about you—about this. So, that was my moment of clarity. I stopped it and left her apartment. I stayed up all night thinking.”
“About this? What is this exactly? What are you trying to say?”
“I know you don’t want anything serious. Neither do I. But we’re both adults who respect each other and are clearly attracted to each other. I only have a limited time left in Boston. Why not let me give you what you need while I’m here.”