“Don’t act like I meant to send that to you. That was a fucking accident, and you knew it. But you read it anyway. Then you wrote your own? So, this whole fucking time when you were just my assistant, you knew how I wanted to fuck your brains out a million ways to Sunday? You were my assistant, Emerson. You knew how I felt about privacy more than anybody. You shouldn’t have opened that document, and when you did, you should have immediately closed it. The only way you would have known it was you was if you read to the end. Yes, a huge violation of privacy.”
I felt like I wasn’t being sentenced in a courtroom but on the steps of the gallows with the noose around my neck. “Derek, let me explain—”
“Explain what?” His nostrils flared because he was out-of-his-mind pissed off. “Explain why you lied to me this entire time? Explain why you crossed a line you shouldn’t have crossed? Explain why you never told me the truth? Explain why the person I trusted most betrayed my trust?”
“Derek.” I raised my hands slowly, so fucking scared right now, scared I would lose him. “Please, let me explain.”
His nostrils continued to flare as he breathed hard, staring me down like an enemy.
“I opened the document because I wasn’t sure what it was. I love your writing, so I thought it was another story you were writing. I thought maybe you were switching to romance or something, I don’t know. But I love your writing, so I kept reading…because it was fucking hot. And yes, I read to the bottom and realized you were writing about me. Even if it was another story you were writing, I shouldn’t have read it without your permission. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking that clearly. I wrote my own story in return because I intended to give it to you…because I was just as attracted to you. I was attracted to you the moment I laid eyes on you. But I didn’t give it to you because you had some girl over the night before, and I was so jealous and so hurt that I realized it was a bad idea to go down that road, to get involved with my boss and think it wouldn’t be complicated. So, I never gave it to you.”
His eyes narrowed on my face, still livid.
“I’m sorry that I invaded your privacy. I understand why you’re angry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have read it. I should have closed out of it and told you that all of your documents were being shared with me—”
“So, every time I wrote something, it updated you, and you opened it and read it like a fucking newsletter subscription. Emerson, this was going on and on, and you kept it to yourself. Fucking wrong.”
I bowed my head, my heart racing. “Derek, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable.”
“No, you embarrassed me. You played out the fantasies I wrote about, and I thought it was genuine—”
“It was genuine. I didn’t do that as an act. I did it because I wanted to, and I liked it.”
He looked away and rubbed his jawline.
“Derek, I feel like you’re overreacting because you’re in a dark place—”
“Wow.” His hands moved to his hips. “So, your response is to belittle my feelings. You invaded my privacy and read my most private thoughts. Emerson, we weren’t two people in love at that point in time. I was your boss, and it took me so much courage to let you into my home to do things outside of my presence. To know you knew exactly how I felt about that and you invaded my privacy like that is fucking wrong.”
I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t know how to undo what I’d done. “Derek, I’m so sorry. I really am.”
“No, you aren’t. If you were sorry, you would have come clean to me about it. But you were going to carry this lie forever.”
“Because that girl was in your penthouse, so I didn’t want to give you my story—”
“And after that?” he demanded. “What about the months and months after that? Emerson, if you’d told me the truth, I would have appreciated the honesty, and our trust would be intact. But you didn’t do that.”
“Okay, I should have done that.”
“But you didn’t. Bottom line—you didn’t.”
“What are you saying?” He wasn’t going to end things because of this, right? “Derek, I didn’t cheat on you or do something sinister or manipulative—”
“Trust is a big fucking deal to me, Emerson. I wanted to be in this relationship because I found someone I could trust implicitly. I found someone who would always be honest with me, who would always have my back, who would be absolutely transparent with me. I don’t accept lies.”