I decide to just tell her, even though she may not want to hear it. “I do have guilt. A lot of it. There’s so much we need to talk about.” Her face is blank, not giving me any indication if what I am saying affects her in any way. “I still have feelings for you.”
I know she’s not open to hear the truth. She doesn’t want to hear that I still love her. That I’ve spent every day for the last three years regretting what I did and wishing I’d figured out a way to give her what she wants but keeping her in my life too. I screwed up royally, and I can’t blame her if she can’t find a way to forgive me. But I’m not going to give up. I’ll just keep trying until she gives in or calls the cops for me harassing her.
From the look on her face, it seems the latter may come true sooner than I figured. She’s definitely not ready to hear all of that.
She crosses her arms over her chest and stares back at me. She’s holding her tongue, still the same disciplined Lacy that I remember. She never did like attention on herself, but she always stood up for herself. I know it’s coming.
When she doesn’t answer me, I continue, “I would like to start over and see where things go.”4LacyI laugh. I literally laugh out loud, right in his face.
He’s got to be joking! After everything he put me through, he has the gall to stand in front of me and ask to start over?
My laugh sounds angry, and I’m glad it does. I don’t want to fight or argue with him, but surely he needs to know that there is no way we could start over. Not with our past. No way! He broke up with me and ripped my heart in two. Surely he realizes that I’m not that dumb.
Through gritted teeth, I call him out. “You do know that you are the one who broke up with me?”
When he takes a small step toward me, I hold up my hand to stop him. He walks straight into my hand, and the feel of his hard chest underneath my palm feels as if it scalds me, and I jerk it back. “You broke my heart, and if you think I’m dumb enough to waste any more time on you than I already did, then you never thought much of my intelligence.”
“Lacy.” He says my name pleadingly.
But I won’t be swayed. Maybe there’s a part of me that always wished we had stayed together. But even in my wildest imagination, I never dreamed it would actually happen. I can’t trust him. As far as I know I could let him in only for him to pull away from me again. Thanks, but no thanks. “It’s not going to happen, Trent, so you might as well give up while I’m still at least talking to you.”
It may have been years since I’ve seen him, but I can tell when he’s trying to figure something out. He’s going to try another angle. “It’s a small town. I understand that I didn’t handle our breakup well, and I don’t blame you for your anger, but can’t we just be friends at least?”
I am a harder woman than I was when I left. I look him dead in the eye and say, “No. We are not friends.”
With as much dignity as I can muster, I get into my car and drive away, not once looking in the mirror to see if he’s watching me.
I will not cry! I will not cry, I chant to myself over and over. But I no sooner get one block down the street and already the tears are starting to fall.TrentI want to stop her, but the hurt in her eyes has me backing off. There’s so much that needs to be said between us, but I realize now is not the time or the place. Maybe it will never be right.
The thought barely registers before I’m pushing it aside. That’s not an option. I’m going to figure this out, one way or another.
I walk over to my ranch truck and sit down, remembering the last time I saw Lacy before tonight.
My parents had passed away, and I had just gotten back from their funeral. From up in the barn loft, I saw Lacy park her car and walk the distance from the house to the barn. I’d never doubted my love for her. I knew even then at the ripe ol’ age of eighteen that I wanted to spend my life with Lacy. But I also knew that our plans were not going to be possible.
Thinking we were going to move to the city and build a life together was going to have to change. I knew I couldn’t leave now. Not with my younger brother and older brother depending on me to help with the ranch. Plus, we were all grieving, all lost in our own ways. I couldn’t desert them now.