“You’re crazy.” I finished my plate and rose.
“Keep the plate there and get dressed. I’ll clean up.”
“Cool. I like that.”
“You cook. I clean. That’s the rules.”
“I love those rules.” I left my plate and headed to the bedroom. “I’ll see you soon.”
An hour later, I was dressed and ready to go. Thankfully, he’d put some clothes himself. Another minute with him only in a towel and I may have snatched it off.
He grabbed the list from the table, and we both stepped out of the building.
Spring was coming to New York, regardless of everyone forced to be inside. A warm breeze blew through the trees. The sun glowed bright in clear blue skies. A few birds chirped on a branch as we walked by. Yet, the sidewalk was damn near empty. Only a few cars drove on the street.
We made it to his car and headed to the market. I had on my leather jacket, light shirt, and jeans, complete with my Shaolin Assassin mask. Kamal wore jeans that adorned his muscular thighs. A black shirt showed off his biceps and even hinted at those abs I’d spied earlier.
Starting the car, Kamal switched the radio to the news.
A male voice rose in the car. “Last night, a Florida man was arrested and charged with stealing 66 rolls of toilet paper from a Marriott in Orlando.”
“Wow.” I gazed out of the car. “Is it really that serious?”
“Apparently, it is.”
“This last crime is one of many new ones dealing with toilet paper capers.”
Kamal chuckled. “What is the world coming to?”
“In California, police arrested three people in a string of hotel theft, discovering 31 rolls of toilet paper, 31 towels, four sets of bed sheets, and 27 boxes of tissue. Investigators say the items were taken from different maids’ carts at local hotels.”
I held out my hands. “So. . .desperate times call for desperate measures?”
“That’s their thinking.”
“More nationwide report of various toilet paper thieves continue as anxiety reaches a new high with this global pandemic.”
“This is 2020 now.” I shook my head. “News of virus deaths or toilet paper crimes.”
“I’m actually missing the days when it was just news of the president being a complete racist idiot.”
“Ah, the good old, simple days of political corruption. How I miss them?”
“Toilet paper thieves stealing rolls from public restrooms isn't necessarily a new phenomenon. But given the global shortage, businesses have seen an increase in the crime. Especially at local parks and libraries.”
As we drove through Brooklyn, I spotted a woman and her little girl walking on the sidewalks with masks and sunglasses. No matter how many times I saw masked people, it still shocked me.
Kamal switched to another radio channel. “Around the world, people are hoarding consumer goods. However, there are huge differences in each country.”
I shrugged. “This might be interesting.”
“How stupid humans are in different places?”
“Yep.”
“In China, customers have cleared all shelves of fruits and vegetables as well as face masks. The Dutch have cleaned out all marijuana stores, leaving a record-breaking cannabis shortage for the first time in years,” the female newsperson reported. “There has been news of ramen stockpiling in Korea. However, Americans have been reported as hoarding firearms and toilet paper.”
“Whoa. Guns?” I looked at Kamal.
“Maybe, they think a bullet will kill the virus.”
“Oh my God.”
Kamal shut the radio off. “No one’s going to play music today.”
“Nope. They’re just going to report on coronajerks today.”
“Coronajerks?”
“There’s two definitions. First, it’s a shopper at a store who violates the six-foot social distance prescription.”
“And the second?”
“A person who buys up everything without any concern for other people.”
“I love this world.”
“Why?”
“All these new terms in the pandemic. Humans make life interesting no matter what.” He turned the corner.
The supermarket appeared in front of us. Cars packed the lot. A long ling of people stood outside the door.
I sighed. “This is going to be fun.”
“Why are people being so crazy? It should be the normal amount of shopping.”
“Maybe, they think it will be a food shortage. Wait.” I turned to him. “Will there end up being a food shortage?”
“This is America. One of the fattest countries in the world. We won’t go without food.”
“Part of me wonders if I should panic buy with everyone else. Perhaps, I’m missing something.”
“You’re not. Ignore the crazy. We get the stuff on our list and try not to get caught up in the panic with everyone else.”
I muttered, “Shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“We actually need toilet paper.”
He gripped the steering wheel. “Damn it.”
I smiled. “This is going to be a serious mission.”
He held up his fist. “Are you ready to embark, Shaolin Assassin #1?”
“I am.”
“Mask tight?”
I checked. “Roger that.”
“In and out. No chit chat. Keep your distance. We find the toilet paper first.”
“Got you.”
“Jade.” He hit me with an intense gaze. “We don’t leave without toilet paper.”
“It’s on.”
Determined, we left the car.Chapter 8
KamalSupermarket Serenade