Relying on the florist to help me put together something for Lindsey that would stand out, I made myself a vow. If she accepted my apology and took me back, I would dedicate myself to learning everything I could about her. I cherished just being able to know her and spend time with her. Now I wanted to bring that to a deeper level.
With the flowers in hand, I headed for the bar. It would be open, but it was still early enough in the day that the crowds shouldn’t have rushed in yet. That meant I would be able to steal at least a little bit of her time. All I could hope was none of my brothers were there. Or any of the crew. I didn’t mind a bit of public groveling if it would show Lindsey my sincerity. I just didn’t want them to get a front-row seat to it.
All it would take was one of them being there and the cell video would infiltrate the rest of them for the rest of my life. But what the hell. Even that couldn’t stop me. Even if I walked in there and every person I knew was sitting at the bar, it wouldn’t deter me. She was worth it.
Just like I expected, the parking lot was less than half-full when I got to the bar. At this point, it was mostly people coming in for dinner or casual after-work drinks. It would still be a couple more hours before the night crowds filtered in. I took a breath, tried to go over what I was going to say in my head one more time so I was prepared, and pushed through the doors.
Lindsey was behind the bar, her back to me as she talked to one of the cooks. Her arms flailing above her head didn’t seem like the best sign. Neither did the way the cook looked at me over Lindsey’s shoulder and raised her eyebrows. She reached out and tapped Lindsey on the shoulder to break her out of her tirade. Lindsey stopped, and the cook pointed toward me.
Lindsey whipped around as I crossed the space toward the bar. Her expression was murderous, her eyes flashing, and her jaw clenched so hard it looked painful. But the shock softened the look at least a little. Her hip popped to one side, and she crossed her arms over her chest, looking me up and down.
“You might want to be quick,” she said. “Nick is supposed to come up here in a while, and I wouldn’t want you to be offended if he knows about tonight’s dinner special before you do.”
I gave a single nod. “I deserved that.”
She stared at me for a few seconds, then let out a sigh and shook her head. “What are you doing here, Vince? I thought we said pretty much everything that needed to be said already today.”
“No,” I said. “We didn’t.” I took the flowers from behind my back and held them out to her. “At least, I didn’t. Lindsey, I am so damn sorry. That’s not enough. I know it’s not enough. But it’s what I can say right now, and I hope you can accept it. I had a moment of idiocy. A lot of moments of idiocy. But I’m done with them. Please forgive me.”
Her arms loosened slightly, but her mouth clenched more tightly, and she drew a breath in through her nose that sounded shaky and then didn’t say anything. My heart pounded painfully in my chest, and beads of sweat formed on the back of my neck. She wasn’t accepting the apology. She wasn’t even willing to acknowledge what I said or take the flowers out of my hand. I waited a few seconds longer before giving a painful, resigned nod.
Setting the flowers down on the bar, I turned and started to walk away.36LindseyI wanted to still be mad at Vince. Never mind after what he put me through and the things he said, part of me wanted to just let him walk away. I had already dealt with enough. I’d had my quota of self-centered, shortsighted men, and maybe it was time for me to just put it all behind me and move forward.
But I couldn’t. Not with Vince. There was too much there. Not to mention the precious little secret I cradled inside me. I still hadn’t told anyone. The only people who knew were the doctor, the nurse, and me. For the first time in all the years Nick and I had shared our close friendship, I hadn’t picked up the phone and called him with the news.
Not that I hadn’t talked to him that day. I had to let him know what happened at the lawyer’s office. That was why he was coming down to the bar soon. He was going up to the racing complex to help with a few things, but when he was done there, he wanted to come celebrate with me. Even though telling him I wouldn’t be able to tip back a celebratory drink with him would have been the perfect transition to revealing the big news, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want him to know first. Not because I didn’t intend to keep the baby, or because I wasn’t ready to tell anybody. But because my heart was still reaching out for Vince. He should be the first to know about our baby.