Adrian snapped me out of my thoughts. “Well, if you think she has feelings for you, and if you’re a hundred-percent sure you don’t want anything more than a friendship, continuing to be around her is a recipe for disaster. You can’t have it both ways, you know? Sounds like you’ve reached the point of no return. You can’t go back to being friends once you’ve crossed the line with a woman. Speaking from experience, it just doesn’t work. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.”
There was that fucking saying again. It kept haunting me. Except now, the word eating conjured up images of her sweet pussy. My jeans tightened.
I shook my head. “I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I also don’t think I can forget what happened between us.”
“I don’t think you have a choice. You already did ruin the friendship. Honestly, was it ever really ‘just a friendship’ if you were attracted to her from the beginning?”
He had a point. From almost the first day I’d hung out with Carys, I’d had to fight my attraction to her.
“So how do I handle it?”
“You stop trying to be her friend. I hate to say it, but this is a ‘shit or get off the pot’ situation. If you continue to stick around, you will cross the line again. Someone’s gonna get hurt.”
Adrian was a straight shooter; he was seldom wrong. And I hated that I knew he was right in this case. It wasn’t fair to toy with Carys’s emotions. I wanted to be there for her if she needed me, but I needed to stop trying to get closer if I couldn’t trust myself.
* * *
Despite Adrian’s warning, when I passed Starbucks on the way home, I walked in and picked up a latte for Carys. My plan was to go over to her apartment and see if things seemed different between us. If they did, I’d know I’d fucked everything up beyond the point of no return. If by chance she acted normal, maybe that would mean I hadn’t totally ruined our friendship.
Once I got to her apartment, I texted her from outside her door in case the baby was napping.
A few seconds later, she opened. “Hey.” Her face seemed flushed.
“Hey,” I said.
And there it was. Immediately. An unspoken energy that was different than what I normally felt.
I handed her the coffee.
She took it. “Thanks for this.”
“You’re welcome.” After I entered, I looked down at my shoes for a moment. “After the other night, I, uh, wanted to come by and…see you…feel you up.” I shut my eyes and corrected, “Fuck. Out! Feel you out.”
Jesus Christ. Not even a minute here, and I was already acting crazy. It was one thing to tell myself to act normal, but now that she was right in front of me, I was incapable of that. Her scent immediately fucked with my head, brought me back to my face buried in her pussy. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to smell her and not lose my mind again. I was a lost cause and an idiot for thinking things could go back to the way they were before.
“I’m glad you came,” she said, turning red. She shook her head. “I guess I’m speaking in ambiguous sexual phrases, too.”
“What the fuck is wrong with us?” I asked.
When I noticed Sunny kicking her legs in the air on her playmat, I put my coffee down on the table and walked over.
Kneeling down, I said, “Hey, Sunny Side Up. How ya doin’?”
I’d never been more grateful for Sunny’s presence, because it was just the buffer I needed right now. She cooed but didn’t cry to be held.
I turned to Carys. “How’s Bee Gees therapy going?”
“It’s amazing. I had the album on a little while ago, and it put her in a really good mood. It’s a miracle. You see how she’s not even crying for you to hold her? I guess we weaned her off that habit.”
“Who knew the answer was some high-pitched disco dudes all along?” I stood up. “Glad to help.”
About fifteen seconds of silence passed, but I swear it felt like fifteen minutes.
Then we both started to speak over each other.
“You first…” I told her.
Then she said the dreaded words. “About the other night…”
Here it comes.
My heart started to pound. “Yeah…”
“I don’t want things to be weird between us.”
I let out a long breath, happy she’d articulated what I’d been struggling to. “Neither do, I, Carys.”
“There’s no reason why they should be, right?” She shrugged. “I mean, we’re both adults.”
I forced honesty out of myself. “What happened…felt right at the time. In retrospect, I probably took things too far. I care about you and would never want to do anything to ruin our friendship.”
She blinked several times and whispered, “It’s not ruined.”