“Don’t stop. What were you gonna say?”
“It’s a little bit TMI.”
Now she really had me curious. “TMI? Are you forgetting the circumstances under which we first got to know each other? I’m the TMI king, remember? Nothing is off the table, Carys.”
Her face turned red before my eyes. Then she finally said, “Okay…what I was going to say is…I really miss having sex. Unfortunately, I can’t have it without a man. And I’m in no place to trust one right now, so I’m not likely to let a man into my life long enough to have sex. It’s a conundrum.”
My dick hardened, and my heart began to race. “How long has it been exactly?
“Well, do the math. Sunny is nine months. I was pregnant with her for nine. So, eighteen months?”
Jesus. I’d always assumed she hadn’t been with anyone since Sunny was born, but I really hadn’t done the math. I couldn’t imagine going more than a few months without sex. But a year and a half? That would kill me.
I swallowed hard. “That’s a long fucking time, yeah.”
“And the worst part is, something happened with my hormones after I had Sunny. They went crazy, and I’ve been hornier than ever. As you now know from my unfortunate book order, I struggle with getting myself off. Because there’s nothing like human touch. So I’m in this constant state of frustration.”
Fuck. Me.
Hearing her say that made me practically cream my pants. I’d never been more turned on by a conversation in my life. It felt like my hormones were raging worse than a teenage boy on Viagra. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than to make her come. Right here and now.
“Have I stunned you into silence?” she asked.
God knows how many seconds went by. But I knew the reason I kept my mouth shut: the words begging to be said were dangerous. If I spoke, they were going to come out.
As the seconds wore on, the need to say them became unbearable.
My voice was barely audible. “I could give you an orgasm…if you want.”
She turned to me suddenly. “What?”
Clearing my throat, I said, “I could make you come. We wouldn’t have sex, but I can give you a damn good orgasm.”
It was like I’d lost my damn mind.
She moved back a little. “I’m not some charity case, Deacon.”
Shit. She’d taken it the wrong way.
“No. I didn’t mean to imply that this was about charity. It’s not. Let me rephrase.” I took a deep breath and exhaled. “I would love to give you an orgasm.”
Carys stared at me in disbelief. “That’s not why I told you about my issue—so you would offer to get me off. I was just venting. I—”
“I know. I know you weren’t expecting me to say what I just did. Honestly, I can hardly believe it myself. But all I could think when you told me you wanted an orgasm is that I…really want to give it to you.”
You could cut the tension with a knife as she just continued to stare at me. My heart pounded, hoping I hadn’t made a huge mistake, one that would cost us our friendship.
She blinked several times. “I appreciate the offer. But I would feel weird saying yes. Because it would be one-sided if you gave me an orgasm, and we weren’t having sex.”
So, let’s fuck then, a voice inside my head suggested. Actually, that voice was likely coming from below the belt. As much as I wanted that, going there would be too dangerous. “You underestimate the enjoyment a man gets from pleasuring a woman.”
It was like someone had removed every shred of sense from me tonight. My words were completely bypassing my brain.
“I can’t let you do it.” Her face was beet red.
I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and it seemed I had. Now was the time to drop it.
“Okay. Fair enough. I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”
She let out a long, shaky breath and closed her eyes. “No. You didn’t. It’s okay.”
I watched her as she stayed in that meditative state. I wondered what she was thinking, but I was too afraid to ask. It was better if I said nothing at this point. My mouth had already gotten me into enough trouble.
After a while, she turned to me. “Are we supposed to just go back to normal conversation right now?”
“We can try.” I forced a smile. “I’ll go first.” Clearing my throat, I asked, “So how was Sunny tonight when you put her to bed?”
“You asked me that earlier.”
“That’s true.” I scratched my chin. “Fuck. Okay. Did you see they’re raising the rent?
“Yeah. That sucks.”
“This isn’t working, is it?”
“No.” She laughed nervously. “Not in the least.”
CHAPTER 11
Carys
USE ME
Deacon and I ended up putting on a movie—some old Jason Bateman comedy on HBO—but I hadn’t heard a word of it. The vibe was completely awkward. He’d shocked me with his proposition.