“No more, bud,” I told him with a small sniffle, setting the small bowl of marshmallows to the side as I kept Keller in the corner of my eyesight. He’d climbed off the bed and was standing rigidly across from Shane.
“Can I have a kiss?” I asked Gunner, pulling him toward me.
“No! Mama!” He twisted and turned, pissed at me for not giving him more marshmallows. Before I could get him settled, he was plucked out of my arms.
“Mamas are marshmallows?” Shane asked, a weird look on his face.
I nodded. I couldn’t even speak to him.
“We’ll get you some mamas for the car, bud,” Shane mumbled, rubbing Gunner’s back as he met my eyes. “I’ll take him to the car. Come on, Kell,” he ordered, his voice absent of any emotion.
“No. I’m staying with Auntie Kate,” Keller argued mutinously.
“Keller,” Shane warned with a stern look before walking out the door with my baby.
“Mama! Annie! Annie! Mama!” Gunner yelled fearfully, trying to pull away from Shane. He still wasn’t quite comfortable with his daddy, and my stomach turned as he began to cry.
When they disappeared from view, I turned to Keller, tears rolling down my face.
“I’m going to stay with you,” he said, reaching out to wipe at my face with his grubby fingers. “Don’t cry.”
His words only made the tears come faster.
“You gotta go, baby,” I argued. “Your dad wants you with him. He’s missed you like crazy.”
“He can take Sage and Gavie and Gunner.” He straightened as we heard Shane’s footsteps thudding back down the hallway. “And I’ll just stay with you.”
“Let’s go, bud,” Shane said resolutely as he stopped in the doorway.
“I’m staying here.”
“No, you’re not. Get in the car, Keller.”
“No.”
Shane started toward us, his jaw flexing, and Keller scrambled up behind me on the bed.
“No!” he screamed, cleaving my heart in two. “Don’t!”
Shane gently but firmly pulled Keller away as he grasped at me, pulling at my shirt and arms.
“Don’t let him take me!” he shouted, his eyes dry but his voice filled with panic. “Auntie Kate! Auntie Kate! Please! Please!”
He fought Shane. God, he fought hard. But he was no match for a full-grown man.
I dug my fingernails into my thighs as I called back to him, trying to calm him in the only way I could. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. I’ll call you tonight. I love you! You’re okay.”
They left the room, and I sat silently listening as Keller screamed the entire way to the car. I had no choice.
I was almost thirty years old, and I’d never hated anyone until that moment.
Chapter 11
Kate
I knew that time had passed since Shane had taken my kids away, but I wasn’t sure how long it had been. It felt like an eternity. The light beyond my closed eyelids slowly disappeared as the sun fell out of the sky, and at some point someone had turned on the lamp sitting on the nightstand next to my bed, but I didn’t open my eyes to find out who had done it. I didn’t care.
I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe. My limbs were so heavy that I wasn’t even sure that I’d be able to roll over. I wondered if this was what it felt like to be dead.
Family came in and out of the bedroom, checking on me and talking in low whispers that they thought I couldn’t hear. Maybe they thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t. Not at any point. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to sleep again.
Keller’s screams replayed over and over in my ears until I dragged my arm over the side of my head, pushing my biceps hard against my ear. It didn’t help. I could still hear him. I could see the way his frantic eyes had met mine as he’d kicked and screamed.
Finally, blessedly, the sounds melted away until there was only white noise. Everything was blank, almost like I was floating between sleep and wakefulness.
“I’m just gonna keep you company, sis,” my dad’s voice said, floating past the emptiness. The sounds of something heavy hitting the carpet were followed by rustling and the sigh of relief my dad always made as he sat down.
Then there was nothing again.
Voices came and went. Someone brushed my hair back from my face, but I still didn’t move.
Iris squirmed restlessly then must have gone to sleep. My belly tightened on and off, but it didn’t hurt, so I ignored it.
“I wish Alex was here,” Ani said softly, lying down on the bed next to me.
I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or not, but I didn’t reply. I didn’t want Alex. I didn’t want my dad who wouldn’t leave the room or my mom who sat at the foot of the bed rubbing my feet. I didn’t want Ani or Bram or my uncle and aunt, who’d stopped by for a while but hadn’t stayed. It had to have been weird for them, knowing that a man they considered their son had done this to me.