“Do you love me?” I used to ask him every single time.
“My heart doesn’t beat without you.” He used to say each time.
It knocks me to my knees, and my wails and sobs echo in the quiet night. My hand goes to my chest, the pain as intense as if it was yesterday. I sit with my back to the stone, trying to make sense of everything. When did it go wrong? How did it go wrong? How did I not see it? How did I not feel it? How? How?
Lady grazes near me, and when the sun starts to come up, I finally get up and walk over to her. My body feels beaten, but I get on Lady and we make our way back home. This time, I go as slow or as fast as she wants. When I approach the barn, the door opens, and I see Casey coming out with a cup of coffee in his hand. He’s already dressed in jeans, his boots, and this time, a shirt. “I was about to send out a search party,” he says, and his eyes meet mine.
“Just going down memory lane,” I say, getting off Lady and handing him the reins. “There is a rock I want moved.”
“Is it by the tree that Jacob tried to cut down?” he asks, and my head snaps back.
“Mom is up and found your friend Olivia asleep outside on the porch swing,” Casey tells me, and my eyes open.
“She doesn’t sleep ever since …” I don’t tell him the rest because it’s not my story to tell, and if she wants to tell him, then that’s on her.
“What is it with you city folks and sleeping in beds?” he asks, and I just shrug. “Tell Mom I’ll be in for breakfast in twenty.”
“You are thirty, and your mother still cooks you breakfast?” I shake my head.
“One thing at a time.” He laughs. “It took me two years to actually move out to my own house.”
“I can’t wait to see it,” I say.
“Tonight after dinner, I’ll give you and Olivia the tour.” He winks at me, and I turn to walk back to the house. My sneakers are filled with dust now. I open the porch door and quietly enter the house.
The smell of bacon and coffee hits me right away. “Morning,” I say. Yawning, I walk over to the coffeepot and grab a white mug. I fill it to the brim and then take a sip. “So good.”
“Since when do you drink your coffee black?” my mother asks as she mixes eggs in a big bowl.
“Since I saw how much fat is in half and half,” I say, and she just shakes her head. “Where’s Olivia?”
“Well, she got up at around three this morning, and then I heard her go outside. When I woke up at five, she was sleeping outside on the porch swing. Then she got up and did some Namaste things on the lawn.”
“Yoga.” I try not to laugh at my mother. “I want to swing by the church if we can today.” Her eyes fly up at me.
“Of course.” She tries to hide her surprise that I want to leave the house.
“Good,” I say. Walking upstairs with my coffee, I go take another shower. When I get out, I slip on a white tank top and fumble around for a pair of jeans but none of them are what I’m looking for. I open my drawer where I used to keep my jeans and grab my overalls. I smile when I think about how crazy it is that this is now the style again. I slip into them, and I roll up the bottoms and then slip on my white Converse shoes. I grab the cup of coffee and head downstairs, hearing voices.
“You can’t go out wearing that.” I hear Casey, and I roll my eyes.
“Why not?” Olivia asks, and I walk in and see what she is wearing. She has her tight white jeans that mold her and make her ass look amazing with a white tank top cut low in the front, showing her cleavage.
“You’ll stick out like a sore thumb,” he says, and she laughs.
“I have a jacket,” she says, walking to the chair and putting on her beige jacket with big gold buttons.
“Yeah, that’s much better,” he says, hiding his smile. “I’m sure Kallie has some shoes for you to borrow.”
“Oh, no,” Olivia says, going to the front door and grabbing her high heel sandals. Putting them on just makes her whole outfit sexy.
“No fucking way,” Casey says, and my mother laughs.
“Watch your language, young man.” She points at my brother. “Honey.” She turns to Olivia. “You might be a bit overdressed. But if you want to wear that …”
“I think it’s too much,” I say, and she looks at me. “Definitely leave the jacket off.” I try to roll my lips when I hear Casey groan and bang his head on the table.