Time passed in a blur, and I didn’t know how long we lay there, staring up at the stars, but eventually she sat up, stretching her long limbs.
“It’s getting late and I should head home.”
“Can I drive you home?”
“No, I’ll get an Uber.”
“Okay. You want to get together again next Friday?”
She diverted her eyes to the gravel beneath our feet. “I can’t. I have other plans.”
Andrew. I knew what she meant and I didn’t question her on it. I didn’t want to hear it. I walked her down and made sure she got in the car okay. Watching her drive away, I couldn’t help but wonder if Andrew was the normal she was looking for. If so, where did that leave me?
It’d been a long time since I’d felt a strong dislike for my desires. But knowing it wasn’t what Ana wanted anymore, or at least said what she didn’t want, I felt it then.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ana
I stumbled into my beautifully empty apartment and collapsed on the couch, not even bothering to turn on the lights. As tired as I was, even waving to my roommate would’ve been too much socializing. It was Friday and I should’ve been looking forward to a free weekend, but instead I would be touring cancer clinics with my mom. I’d spent all week researching our options and trying to find the best nurse aide to help her out, like the doctor had recommended earlier this week.
Stage two ovarian cancer.
Four simple words that tore my world apart. It hadn’t helped when the doctor said it was in the earlier stage and they would be aggressive with treatment. We’d found out her diagnosis over the summer, and I’d come home to help take care of her when they removed every female organ in her body.
The doctors seemed hopeful since she had such a positive outlook on life and took good care of herself. They made jokes that she was one of the only patients who put on mascara and lipstick just to sit in a hospital room alone. But that was my mom, the perfect Stepford wife with a heart of gold.
They’d tried medication after her surgery, but when they’d discovered another mass just before Christmas, they’d said it was time for chemotherapy and radiation. Mom had smiled and patted my hand. “Thank goodness I have my Anabelle to take care of me.”
And I had. I always had, but now more than ever. I had to laugh when I thought picking paint colors and planning meals for the week was exhausting. How I wish I could’ve gone back to that instead of choosing the best hospital and doctors to keep my mom alive and comfortable. This was her future, resting in my trembling hands. It was heavy and I was tired.
Being an adult was exhausting.
My phone rang and I barely wiggled it out of my back pocket, unwilling to stand or roll over to get it out.
“Hello,” I answered on a sigh.
“Ana. Hey.”
“Hey, Andrew. I’m sorry I had to cancel tonight.”
“That’s the thing . . . come over. I know you’re tired and had a rough day dealing with the cancer stuff, but sitting around won’t accomplish anything. Come over and let me take your mind off it.” I heaved a sigh, not liking the idea of getting off the couch. “Come on, Ana-banana.”
His nickname made me chuckle. I agreed because I felt a little crazy and Andrew was stable and made me laugh. I could use some laughter in my life.
I grabbed my keys and headed to Andrew’s. Walking up to his two-story condo, I already felt better. The time we spent together was easy, and I could use a little of that as well. He opened the door before I even had a chance to knock and pulled me in for a hug.
He was a lanky kind of muscular, but a lot taller than me. It was soothing that I fit perfectly beneath his chin. “You feel good in my arms,” he murmured against my hair before releasing me. He leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to my lips, but didn’t push for more, and I appreciated it since I was so exhausted.
I didn’t feel a passion for Andrew. He was attractive with almost black curly hair and brilliant blue eyes. But he didn’t evoke a fire inside me. So far, we hadn’t gone any further than a few make-out sessions, and they always stopped before they got too heated.
He helped me from my jacket, always the gentleman, and hung it up on his coat rack. “I’m glad you came.”
“Me too. I always feel better after I hug you.”
“It should be my new job. Be an expert cuddler.”
“Hey, there’s a market for that.”
“I’ll keep it in mind in case the whole lawyer thing doesn’t work out.” He laughed.