My nipples peaked under my shirt, remembering his mouth on them, nibbling, sucking, biting, his eyes never leaving mine, almost as if he was daring me to even try and stop him. I wondered how far it would have gone had his parents not come home. I’d felt his hardness grinding against me, making me wet. My fingers reached my panties, and I stroked the soft cotton, imagining that he felt the wetness seeping into his jeans.
I didn’t need to use my imagination about what he looked like, the images of his thick penis resting above his jeans was forever burned in my mind. My fingers moved under my panties and rubbed through my slick pussy, rising to rub at my clit.
What would he have done to me?
Would he have ripped my panties from me? Would he have taken me? What if I’d tried to fight him off? Would he have still pinned me, leaving marks on my body as he held my hips in place and fucked me? Would he have gone slow? Or would he have pushed in all at once, swallowing my cries as he fucked me the way he seemed to want, not concerned with my pleasure?
I rubbed faster, circling in closer to my bud, biting my lip to hold back my cries. My other hand traveled back up my body, pinching my nipples and pulling to the point of pain, extending them as far as they could go.
I imagined him flipping me over and pushing my face in the pillow to hide my cries of pain mixed with ecstasy as he fucked me. I could almost hear the crack of his hand against my ass, the fantasy was so real behind my eyes.
And I came. My toes digging in to the mattress, pinching the sheets between them, flexing my ass, riding the orgasm roaring through me. The grip I had on my nipple loosened and my circling fingers slowed, coming down from my high.
But nothing could slow down the fall. As the throb in my core ebbed, I slammed back to reality and felt engulfed in an ocean of shame.
Kevin was my friend. Who did that? Who got off to their friend? Who imagined the disgusting things I imagined? Who wanted that?
Whores. That’s who. Porn stars and sluts. I swallowed the large lump clogging my throat as I imagined anyone knowing what dirty things rolled through my mind.
But Kevin liked it.
Shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut against the burn, I brushed the thought away. Kevin was probably caught up in the moment. And just because he’d bit me a little, didn’t mean he would take me like that. He was sweet and caring and he would never treat me like that. God, he must have thought how easy I was. I didn’t need a mirror to realize how red my face must’ve been, creeping up from my neck and burning my cheeks.
Sean.
Fuck. Sean. All the reasons the night was a huge mistake just kept hitting me, one after another. I didn’t know what to do about Sean. I didn’t know what to do about Kevin. I didn’t know what to do about myself.
The first tear slipped down my cheek and I curled onto my side, praying for sleep so I could escape my perverted mind and all that was wrong with it.
School was a mess. The whole damn day. I’d avoided Kevin while simultaneously being around him. When I would look up at him, he was staring at me with furrowed brows, and I would immediately look away again. When we sat at lunch, I made sure to have at least two people between us. I did my best not to talk to him because I was so unsure of what to say. And when it was unavoidable, it was awkward and stilted.
With Sean by my side, my body was stiff and tense. He deserved so much more than what I’d done. But I didn’t know how to handle it.
Sitting at the round table, I almost choked on my sandwich when Gwen spoke up.
“What the hell is going on with you guys?” she asked pointing a finger between me and Kevin. “You haven’t talked to each other all day. Did you have a fight?”
I dropped my chin to my chest, hoping my face didn’t betray me, and scoffed. “No. Kevin . . .” My throat closed on his name and I tried again. “Kevin and I don’t have to talk all the time.”
“We know,” Chloe chimed in. “You just don’t ever not talk.”
“Ana and I never fight.” Kevin’s deep voice reached across the table and urged me to acknowledge him. Hesitantly, I did and met his pleading gaze. I knew it must have hurt him that I had avoided him, but I didn’t know how to act normal.