Jess sighs before grabbing the bottle of whisky from Nate and trudging after the boys, but not before glancing at me and wishing me luck. These little talks with Nate could always go either way. He could be about to tell me to man the fuck up and find my balls or he could be about to give me a fucking hug and tell me that it’s all going to be okay. Either way, whatever it is he needs to say, over the years, I’ve learned to listen. When Nate Ryder speaks, you take it in and you deem it gospel.
“You’re hurting,” he comments, once we hear the door of the basement close behind Jesse.
I think over the past week, ‘hurting’ is a fucking understatement to what I feel. I’m fucking tortured. I’m an empty man who feels completely hopeless, tormented by the thought that the woman I love doesn’t want anything to do with me. “You could say that.”
Nate scoffs. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I know how you feel. Tora and I had that split for a few months.”
I shake my head. “That’s not the same thing, man, and you know it. You split from her because you were concerned about her, not because she didn’t want a fucking future with you. Not to mention, she lived down the fucking road, not across the fucking country. I can’t just storm into her house and throw her over my shoulder when I want to check on her.”
“Yeah, alright. So, the circumstances were different but it doesn’t change the fact that without her, I was still hurting. I know how it feels, I know what it’s like to be kept away from the woman you love, and what I can tell you is that right now, what you’re doing…it ain’t fucking healthy. You need to get out of this fucking house, go back to school, and keep your mind off her. Sitting here day in and day out is only giving you more time to go over every single moment. It’s going to drive you fucking crazy.”
“It already is,” I grumble, knowing he’s right as I sit up on the couch and lean onto my knees. “You know the best part,” I say, looking up at him. “She suggested that we could wait until after she was done with college to give it a try.”
“Isn’t she going to be at Yale for years?”
“Yeah, at least four.”
“Fuck, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would be this bad. Hell, I didn’t even know you were that into her. I had my suspicions after you woke up naked on the girls’ couch, but I just assumed it was a one-night thing. I’m so off my fucking game. Usually, I’m better with this shit.”
“Well,” I shrug, not offended by his lack of attention in the least. “To be fair, you’ve had your handful with Tora since last summer.”
Nate laughs. “Damn right, I have. Let’s just hope the fucking drama can finally come to an end. I just want to be able to leave my fucking house each day and know that my girl is safe.”
“I hear ya, man,” I say as Nate falls into a thoughtful silence.
“You know,” he says. “Brylee’s always been one of those girls who need to know the outcome before she can do anything. She’s overly cautious and doesn’t take a step without thinking it over. Maybe you put her off by showing up like that and confessing your love. She might just need a little time to think it through and figure out what she wants. After all, right now, she has her world over there at Yale wrapped up in a pretty little bow and you come and threaten to scramble it all around.”
“What are you saying?”
“Maybe all she needs is a plan. Tell her how it would work rather just saying you want it to, and for fuck’s sake, make sure that she knows and trusts that you’ll be faithful. She needs to feel confident in what she’s doing, and if you want to make it work, then you’re going to have to be the one to make it happen.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. She was so certain that she knew what she wanted. I think I just need to move on. I’m losing a race that I’m running by myself. It’s fucking stupid.”
Nate gives me a tight smile and it’s clear that from the look on his face he doesn’t think I should be giving up, but he wasn’t there, he didn’t see the way she pushed me away and crushed me.
“Are you sure?” Nate questions in a tone that has me glancing up to see him looking right down into my broken soul.
“Yeah, I’m positive. It’s time to move on.”