Experiencing the high, even for a moment, reminded me how much I loved being a Dom, how much I loved being in a playroom. But I knew I would never have the same experience with anyone else. “I can’t live without you, sweetheart. You know that.”
She finally looked at me, her eyes still wet.
I kissed the corner of her eye and sighed, disappointed this dream was taken away from me. But I’d tried to make it work between us. I’d tried to show her it was more pleasure than pain. But her past, her struggles, clouded her mind so much that she couldn’t truly feel the exhilaration. “I’m sorry I brought you here. I’m sorry I pressured you.” When I held her against my chest, I felt her melt like she always did. Instead of storming off and saying I was an asshole, she stuck by me. If she was willing to put up with my transgressions, I needed to put up with hers. Otherwise, we would lose each other.
And I couldn’t survive that.
I kissed her temple. “Let’s go home.”
We didn’t have sex for two days.
I could tell she wasn’t ready for it. Every night when we went to bed, she purposely turned away from me, her body language telling me everything I needed to know. Whenever she kissed me, it was always quick and passionless, like if she gave me more affection than that, it could give me the wrong impression.
But honestly, I didn’t really want to have sex either.
Which was a first for me.
After having my fantasy in my grasp and losing it, I was too devastated to want anything. I had Rome on the bed with her ass in the air, her hands tied to her ankles, and I had the luxury of spanking her so hard my palm left a mark.
And then it was taken away from me.
Just like that dream I had, the experience was absolutely incredible. I’d never felt more alive than I did in that moment with her, when she allowed me to do whatever I wanted. Knowing her pussy got wet for the same reasons my cock got hard was everything I wanted.
But that was over.
Now I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to go from here. I could just walk away from Rome and pick up a sub in a few hours.
But, fuck, I didn’t want another sub.
I didn’t want another woman.
I only wanted her Rome.
So how did I rectify this? How did I fix this?
I didn’t have a clue.
I was sitting at my desk in the office when Jackson called me. Perhaps he’d made a decision about my mom. I took the call and stared out the window. “What?”
“Geez, you’re in a bad mood.”
I let the insult roll off my shoulder. “What?”
“Are you a parrot now?”
My hand formed a fist. “You have something to tell me, asshole? If not, I have shit to do.”
“Whoa, alright,” Jackson said. “I heard through the grapevine you took Rome to Ruin a few nights ago. But you didn’t stick around. What happened?”
Jet must have mentioned it. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jackson. I’ll talk to you later.” I moved the phone to the base.
“Whoa, whoa. Hold on. Don’t hang up on me.”
The only reason why I put the phone back to my ear was because he was my brother.
He must have known I was still around because he spoke again. “I’m not being nosy—”
“Sure seems that way.”
“Judging from your tone, it didn’t work out.”
It blew up in my face. I only got to spank her twice before the fun was over. “No.”
“She just wasn’t into it?”
“She was.” I knew that much. Her pussy couldn’t have been that wet for no reason at all. “But her beliefs hold her back.”
“Her beliefs?”
“She thinks it’s sexist and abusive. She thinks by allowing me to do that to her, she’s accepting disrespect. Hank messed her up real bad, and I suspect there was even someone before that who screwed her up too. She doesn’t trust me enough to go down this road.” I sighed into the phone, unable to hide my sadness.
“That’s too bad. I’m sorry, Cal.”
I heard the sincerity in his voice. It wasn’t very often when he acted like a compassionate human being. It was a good color on him. “I know.”
“What are you going to do, then?”
“Same thing as before.” I would have to fight my urges and beat off from time to time when the temptation became too much. The rest of the time, I was happy.
“You’ve been doing that, and it’s obviously not working.”
“If you’re suggesting I leave her, I can’t do that.”
“Because of Hank?” he asked.
“No.” Because I couldn’t live without her—plain and simple.
“I don’t understand. I couldn’t just turn it off, you know? I couldn’t just change who I am.”