He straightens up, and worry clouds his eyes.
“Is that okay? Are you worried about telling her?” I ask.
“No… it’s not that. I guess I shouldn’t count my chickens though. I have two days left with you.” He gives me an uneasy smile. “You might decide that’s it for us, and I respect that. You gave me a chance, and I couldn’t possibly ask you for more.”
I stare at him and study his expression. There’s something on his mind, for sure. It’s absolutely to do with us. So, I’m going to take the first step to air the shit out. I can’t wait two days.
“Do you want more with me?” I ask, holding his gaze.
“Jia, you know I do.”
“Then I’m telling you yes now. There’s no point waiting for two days to confirm something I already know.”
“Yes?” Surprise fills his face.
“Yes, but, Paul, that’s only part of a problem. I don’t think we ever had a problem with us as a couple. There are things I still need to talk about.”
He leans forward onto the table and looks me over. “What?”
“I don’t believe you when you told me you were a fool for breaking up with me. And I don’t believe you wanted to focus on your career. I’m asking again because it’s bothering me. Was it true?”
His riveted gaze intensifies, and there’s a noticeable shift in his mood and the mood between us.
“No. It wasn’t true.”
“Was it for someone else? I mean, was there someone else? There could have been.” I have to get that off my chest.
“God…no, it wasn’t that.”
“Then what was it?”
His brows furrow, and he presses his lips together. “Jia… can we maybe talk about this some other time? Not long. I just need a little more time to process.”
My blood heats up. There’s no way saying such a thing is going to make me understand that I have to wait. He confessed his words as a lie and confirmed my suspicions.
“What do you mean you need time to process? Process what?”
“Some things are difficult to talk about, and I can’t just do it on the spur of the moment.”
“This isn’t on any spur. Paul, you lied to me, and I want to know why. Do you know what it did to me when you broke up with me?”
“I know it was my fault, Jia. I accept it was all my fucking fault, but not everything is about you.”
That’s it. That snaps me.
No, not everything is about me, but I can’t just sit down and wait to be told the truth when I went through so much. I bolt up, and his eyes snap wide.
“How dare you say that to me? I know not everything is about me, but this was, and if I didn’t love you so damn much, I wouldn’t care. It would be shit to me. Far be it from me to want to have trust in our relationship,” I bark, and he stands too.
“Jia, trust is something I want too. You think I don’t want that?”
“I don’t think it’s as important to you as it is to me, because out of the two of us, only one of us damaged the other’s trust.”
“Jia, I broke up with you, and I had reasons that I couldn’t tell you at the time. I was always loyal to you, and I never did anything for you to distrust me.”
“I was pregnant,” I blurt, and his eyes turn to saucers. “I was pregnant, and in one day, I lost you both.”
“What? What are you saying to me?”