I catch her face and she tries to wrench my arm free but I tighten my grip.
“Let go of me, Eric,” she demands.
“You need to remember who your talking to.”
“And you need to go fuck yourself.”
My temper flares and I remind myself I can’t have it both ways. She mustn’t want me, but I don’t want her to hate me either.
“Let go of me Eric, do you really think I’m scared of anything you could do to me at this point?”
She’s not. If she was, she’s no longer scared of me in that way because I fucked up too and allowed her to see I wanted her.
I release her and watch her as she rushes away, leaving the room.
I harden what’s left of my heart and pretend I didn’t just treat her like a whore. As if she was last night’s fuck and now I’m done with her. I was never done with her, and I don’t think I could be.
So, I harden my heart and pretend I don’t know that all she needed was someone to care for her.
I harden my heart and pretend I don’t know she needs me.
As the door clicks shut everything stays with me and I wonder when it was I sacrificed the basic elements of humanity to become this heartless being I am now.
I think I was indeed long before Robert, but he just took me to the next level of villain.
But for the first time in forever I wonder what it might be like to make my way back to who I used to be.