“No,” I say shortly. “Not yet.”
“Oh,” he says flatly.
I am not happy with how this conversation is going. It is stilted and slightly awkward, like we have nothing to say to each other. I wonder if he feels it too. We get to the crux of the problem when he breathes in deeply and asks me to tell him exactly what happened to me in the Dragon Realms. “I think I deserve to know, and I think you need to speak about what happened to the baby,” he says in his soothing counselor voice. I suppose he has a point. At least about deserving to know. As far as the baby is concerned, it’s over and I tell him that. He shakes his head, but I interrupt him and shush him and then start at the beginning with what I thought was the dream I had during my Heat.
When I finish up, he looks angrily at me, but doesn’t say anything. I don’t think he is angry with me, more with this situation.
“There’s more,” I say to him and know that I can’t keep this from him.
“There always is,” he sighs.
“In order to stop Rem, err him, from coming back for me, there is only one option. And I think you know what that is,” I say.
“Yeah,” he says after a minute. “Sebastian’s baby.”
“No,” I say and shake my head. “A baby. CK and I have already been doing a ritual to allow him to be able to conceive with me. We had originally planned it for way, way in the future, but our future selves asked us to start it when we saw them last year.” I pause to give that time to sink in. There is no anger from him, only sadness.
“I knew you were up to something,” he says. “That’s where you’ve been today?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, Cole. I know this must hurt, but let me explain,” I say.
“There’s nothing to explain,” he says. “You have chosen him.”
“No, not exactly,” I say quickly. “Hear me out.”
He sits there quietly, but I can feel his sorrow and I hope my words reassure him. “You were my Chosen one, Cole. Before he came back from the Spirit World, you were supposed to be the One. When he returned, it was assumed by my mother, and him, that he would take his rightful place as my Chosen mate and we would create this baby for the Dragons. But as CK pointed out to me, you, all of you, didn’t lose your powers for being Laurentis’s sons. But if I had chosen you as the one true Chosen One now, the Dragons would have come for the child before she was even born. I can’t allow that to happen, Cole. If I have a child with CK, she will still be powerful, possibly even more so than me. I saw her in the Other World. The one where Empress Aefre and Constantine had a child. But she won’t be the true heir, here. I see that now. I cannot choose my mother in this fight, Cole. I hope you understand that.” I don’t think I have explained this very well, but my thoughts are a bit scattered.
“Then why not just give the Faerie what they want?” he croaks out. “Why have a child with Constantine?”
“I will have to give the Faerie what they want, further down the line. I have chosen them, and I will do my duty, but CK and I want this. We have planned it. It is our chance to have this.”
“So not only do I have to stick around and watch you have a child with him, but Sebastian as well?” he asks, his voice rising in his anger. “What kind of sick fucker do you think I am?”
I flinch as he says that to me. I don’t blame him for being so angry, I just had hoped he would understand. “I don’t think that, Cole. I know how hard it will be and I am prepared to let you go if you feel this is something that you cannot accept.”
His eyes go wide as he takes that in. The rage that swirls around them is totally justified and I leave him to say what he has to.
“Let me go?” he shrieks at me. “Let me fucking go? You are choosing him; you are dumping me for him. You promised you would never do that.”
“I am not dumping you, Cole,” I say patiently. “I love you; I don’t want to let you go, but if you decide it is what is best then, I won?
??t stop you. It is up to you to decide what you can live with for the sake of this war.”
“Don’t!” he snaps at me. “Do not justify it with putting this on me and blaming a war that isn’t even going to happen.”
“Cole, you don’t understand. I know what is coming. You saw Tiamat and Drake in this very room, you know how Tiamat tricked me and took me away. There isn’t a doubt in my mind what is going to happen when She learns She won’t be getting Her true heir.”
“How do you know it won’t be the true heir?” he asks, but something is off. He is avoiding my gaze just like CK did when we were discussing this. Maybe I am just being paranoid. But I see something in him flick and he can see how deadly serious I am. I know exactly what I am doing and why. Trying to explain it to anyone else, well, I knew it would be difficult. To Cole most especially.
“Then why choose Drake?” he asks a valid question.
“Because I have to choose a side, Cole. Either way this has to be done. The Faerie will come for me just as hard as the Dragons if I don’t choose them. But it’s more than that. I love my father. I love his people, my people. They respect me. He respects me and loves me in return. My mother has nothing but disdain for me, She hates me. All She wants is the baby. My father wants me. Me, Cole. I don’t expect you to understand how much that means to me, but…”
“I do,” he says. “I do, I just…”
“I know,” I say, and we sit in silence again.
“I told you I wasn’t leaving you,” he says defiantly a few minutes later. “I don’t care how difficult you make it for me to stay, I told you I would. Apart from the fact that I physically can’t leave you,” he adds, more to himself and it hits me hard.