He shrugs. “Nothing. Just because I jerk off in the shower doesn’t mean you’re a bad lover.”
He has a point, but it’s a moot point because it’s a distraction from the real issue.
“If I get a job, will we be good?” Jimmy asks.
I grab the piece of toast from the toaster and spread peanut butter on it. “Would it make a difference in your train of thought if I told you I was planning on breaking up with you before you got fired? I let you live with me temporarily.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by making a difference in my train of thought.” He scratches the back of his head and yawns. “But it would explain why we’ve had so little sex. Did you …” He has the audacity to look confused or maybe a little offended. “Did you have sex with me on my birthday because you felt sorry for me?”
“Yes.” That feels good. I can’t believe how quickly and easily that came out of my mouth. The reminder of just how low I stooped on his birthday doesn’t feel as good.
“Jesus … don’t sugarcoat it. That’s pretty fucking terrible of you.”
“Terrible of me? Terrible of me to let you live here while you’ve looked for a new job and a place to live, even though you have not looked for a job or a place to live? Terrible of me to buy your food? Terrible of me to have sex with you? Are you really going to pretend that our sex life was such a deep emotional bond that the thought of me having it with you just because it was your birthday was some sort of betrayal and insult to your sensitive heart? You have tried to have sex with me while I’m sleeping.”
Jimmy frowns and turns on the TV. “Once. And I thought you’d wake up and participate. Instead, you kneed me in the fucking groin.”
“You startled me!”
Jimmy shakes his head but remains silent.
I finish eating and brush my teeth for work.
As I open the door and sling my handbag over my shoulder, Jimmy clears his throat. “I still haven’t seen any tampons in your trash. If you’re pregnant, I’m never moving out. No way am I letting our kid grow up in a split family. I did that, and it’s not what I want for my kid.”
Oh, Jimmy …
Here’s the nice thing about working with four other women … one of us is always having her period. If someone would have asked me if I could ever imagine myself stealing dirty tampons from the trash in the employee bathroom to plant in my trash bin at home, I would have laughed and cringed at the same time. Who … who would ever do such a crazy thing?
Me.
Desperate me.
“Whoa … what are you doing?” Nora’s gaze focuses on the clear plastic bag in my hand as I come out of the bathroom.
I should have grabbed a paper bag. It was a last-minute decision.
“Is the trash full?” she asks.
“Um …” I swallow hard and slide the bag behind me, so she stops staring at it. What if it’s hers? “I’ve been having heavy periods. So very heavy. And my doctor wants to see what I consider a really heavy period. So I’m taking this to her so she can see how heavy it is.”
Oh my god … was that really my best excuse?
Nora’s face sours. “Did she ask you to do that? It’s kinda weird.”
“I thought the same thing. But … I’m not the gynecologist.”
“Are you going to put it in the fridge? Surely, you can’t just keep it in your purse. It will start to smell. Then again, how sanitary is it for you to put it in the fridge where everyone keeps their lunches?”
“True. Maybe I’ll just grab some ice and put it in the car. I’m done early anyway because I have a meeting with my attorney.”
Nora nods slowly. “Ice. Good idea. Hope you’re not meeting with your attorney for anything major.”
“Nothing major.” Aside from Jules, I haven’t told anyone that Jimmy is still living with me despite our breakup. Stupid squatter. I slide past Nora then turn back toward her. “Nora?”
“Yeah?”
“Keep this between us. I don’t want anyone needlessly worrying about me until I know something for sure.”
“Absolutely. I do hope it’s nothing. The pill might help lighten your flow. It did for me.”
“Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind.”
After my last patient, I run home to plant the dirty tampon in my trash. I’ve reached a new low in my life. Never saw this day coming. I’m sure my sister and her husband would be really proud of their surrogate carrying around someone’s dirty tampon.
I put the cart before the horse. Implantation of the embryo should have happened after the boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) eviction. But things went quicker than I imagined. And when a date was offered to … get me pregnant … I agreed because Chloe thought Jimmy and I had broken up. It was the only way she would have agreed to let me be her surrogate. And we had, in my mind. It all seemed like an afterthought. After all, how long does it take to break up with someone?