She went straight to her room and changed into a T-shirt for bed. Giovanni watched her from the doorway, his fist still gripping his keys.
“Do you want to explain what I did that was so damn wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, bullshit, Erin. You’re pissed and I have no idea why.”
“I’m not pissed.” She was upset. All the pressure she’d been carrying in her chest lately started to swell and her body felt like it was going to burst open. She wanted to scream and cry or throw something, but she couldn’t explain what the hell she was feeling or why her insides shook with the force of a hurricane.
She pushed past him to go brush her teeth and he caught her arm, forcing her full attention. “Talk to me.”
He caged her in with his body, but this wasn’t sexual. His eyes wore lines of worry as he looked at her with desperate intensity.
She opened her mouth, but her words refused to form.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” he rasped, hugging her close.
She stiffened, afraid to get distracted by the way he made her feel, terrified that he’d eventually blindside her and take his affection away. She couldn’t depend on something so fragile. “Why are you still here?”
“What?”
“In Jasper Falls, why are you still here? You said you were leaving a month ago.”
“You know why I’m here.”
He was there for her, but he couldn’t stay forever. She knew the reality. But what could she offer long term to make him stay? Everyone eventually left her. It was only a matter of time before he followed the same pattern.
His childhood home only offered a bedroom for a boy. Nothing she saw tonight spoke of permanence or an intention to move back home for good. He didn’t live in Jasper Falls anymore, and people didn’t like to move backward. His life was on the road, following his dreams forward.
“When’s your next show?”
Did he have something booked? Was he keeping details from her to avoid the inevitable?
“I have a gig in Atlantic City next Tuesday.”
The fact that he’d booked something and not mentioned it stung like a betrayal. “How long have you known about it?”
“Two weeks.”
She refused to cry over her own stupidity. “So, when you said all that stuff about being open about things, you really weren’t talking about yourself.”
“Erin…”
She shook her head. “I knew this would happen.”
“What? Nothing’s happening.”
“You don’t live here, Giovanni. You travel for your job, and I know you’re running out of money.”
“Don’t worry about my finances. I’m fine.”
But he wasn’t. There was a reason he hadn’t booked a room at the Brick Hotel and eventually checked out of the Motor Inn.
She had a meeting with her father’s attorney next week. Until then, she wouldn’t know what kind of financial situation she was in. Maybe she could support them for a while, but Giovanni would eventually have to go back to work. They both would, and she had no intention of working at the hardware store. That meant finding another job, possibly something outside of Jasper Falls if the house sold.
They were getting so close and comfortable with each other, but circumstances seemed set on eventually tearing them apart. She mentally calculated how much time they had left, unsure how desperate Giovanni was to find work.
Her meager savings was running low since the funeral and she couldn’t bring herself to return to the store, unsure how she would even cut herself a paycheck when her father had always been so secretive about the banking.
The realtor seemed to think the house would sell quickly, but half of that money would go to Harrison, and any outstanding loans her father might have had. Erin had nothing as far as a nest egg of her own.
“Have you been turning down work?”
His lips firmed and he pushed away from the wall, pacing her room. “It’s not easy to get booked. And it’s not worth traveling out of state if the gig doesn’t pay well.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
He looked at her and she had her answer. “Giovanni.”
“A few hundred dollars, Erin. So what?”
“It’s more than the money. You’ve said it yourself, it’s the exposure.”
“What is this? Don’t you want to spend time with me? I feel like your chasing me away.”
“I’m not.” Her lungs tightened. The last thing she wanted was to see him go, but he was only postponing the inevitable. If she interfered with his career, he’d eventually resent her, and she couldn’t bear that.
He crossed the room and kissed her softly, holding her face in his hands. “I don’t want to change anything about what we have.”
“Me neither, but you have to work.”
“I know.”
She considered how quickly her doubts could gang up on her in his absence. One day apart and she’d start thinking his feelings had changed. One text showing he’d read it but not bothered to respond, and she’d start putting up walls. She didn’t know if she could manage a long distance relationship without screwing it up with her damn insecurities.