“And you don’t?” he said, hands fisted at his sides. “Sam, you court death like it’s nothing. How you’ve survived this long has always been a mystery to me, but now I know why. The gods needed you to get this far so that they could use you as their pawn to—”
“Hey! I’m not a pawn. And I don’t court death. It’s not my fault that so many things want to kill me. I just have one of those faces!”
His eyebrows did that little twitch they did when he was unsure of whether he wanted to strangle me or hug me. I thought maybe that was a good sign until they dropped back into their angry position. “You court death,” he said through gritted teeth. “You put yourself in these positions and seem surprised at how you got there. Yes, Sam, there are people out there who want to do you harm, but you do nothing to avoid them. It’s like you’re always out to prove to yourself that you’re capable of more than you are.”
I laughed hollowly. “Like you haven’t spent your entire life doing the exact same thing.”
“Don’t you turn this around on me, Sam. I’m not the one who—”
“Because you’ve never kept anything from me, right, Nox?”
He blanched at that. “Not because—”
“Exactly. Where was the trust then?”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
“Isn’t it?” I asked, feeling mean. “Because it seems to me it’s the exact same thing. What don’t I know, Ryan, because you sure as shit know everything about me now. Anything else you need to tell me?”
(Make me mortal. When all is said and done. I will protect my King, this one and the next. I will protect my kingdom. I will do all that you ask, but I want a mortal life for my happy ending. This is my wish.)
“Do I?” he asked. “How am I to believe that?”
I looked away, unable to meet his gaze any longer.
“I don’t understand,” he said, sounding helpless. “I thought we were together on this.”
“We are,” I said, blinking rapidly.
“I’m your cornerstone.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” he asked. “Because I don’t know that you do.”
“That’s not fair.”
“When did Vadoma show you this? My death. Was it the first day? Her apparition in the hallway?”
I shook my head. “It was after that.”
“Were we still in Castle Lockes?”
“Yes.”
“So all this time, you’ve known.”
“I didn’t—”
“You did, though,” he said, and he sounded so sad that I wanted to reach out and grab him, to hold him close. I didn’t dare, though. Not right now. Not yet. I hoped he would let me at some point, because I sure as shit could have used a hug.
“I just wanted to keep you safe,” I said.
“And what about what I want?”
I barely restrained the eye roll. “Well, I would assume you want the same thing, so.”
“You’re not funny.”