I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes, praying for death.
God must not have heard me, because I was still alive when Jessie said, “There are so many notes. How the hell did they—holy shit. That’s something men can do together? I didn’t think that was possible. How do you fit that in—oh. Oh. I see. Huh. I wonder if that works on women too.”
I covered my face with my hands and moaned. I could hear her flipping through the pages. I blamed Chris for bringing her to Green Creek all those years before. Granted, their mother had just died and she was a teenager with nowhere else to go, but still. He could have put her up for adoption.
“Joe and Kelly were very thorough,” she said.
I sighed as I dropped my hands to the floor. “I hate you.”
She laughed. “Man up, Bennett. You’re gonna need to, especially if you’re thinking about attempting some of the stuff in this book.” She came over to me and sat down next to me, her back against the bed. She still held the book in her hands. Once she gave it back, I was going to have to burn it.
Maybe.
She nudged my shoulder with her foot. I glared at her. She smiled sweetly. I flashed my eyes at her in warning. Her smile widened.
“You can’t tell anyone.”
She shrugged. “Okay.”
“Really?” That was easier than I thought it would be.
“Really. Don’t worry about it.”
“Yeah. Because that’s easy to do.”
“Why are you so freaked out about this?”
I looked back at the ceiling. “I… have no idea.”
“Is it because Gavin’s a guy?”
“No. Yes.” Then, “No.”
She snorted. “Succinct as usual. I don’t know why I expected anything else.”
“It’s not funny.”
“It is,” she assured me. “And one day you’ll laugh about it. I promise.” She hesitated for a long moment. I knew she was building up to something. What, I didn’t know, but it probably wasn’t anything good. “Is it such a bad thing?”
“No,” I said. And it was true. “I just don’t have any idea what I’m doing.”
“Do we ever?”
“We say we do.”
She nudged my shoulder again. “We’re also full of shit half the time.”
“It’s stupid,” I muttered. “Worrying about stuff like this with everything else going on.”
“Nah. We always seem to have some sort of death and destruction hanging over our heads. You get used to it after a while.”
That was chilling. “We shouldn’t have to.”
Her smile faded. “Worth it, though.”
“Is it?”