I caught him before he collapsed, his head hooking over my shoulder, his fur wet and cold but his body burning hot. I wrapped my arms around his back, asking him if he was hurt, what happened, what did he do to you, what’s wrong, what’s wrong?
We stayed there for what felt like hours, my knees growing numb, his weight heavy and unwieldy.
He was trembling, and I couldn’t get him to stop.
I said, “You can’t keep going on like this. You can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what this is, but it’s hurting you. It’s killing you.”
He tried to pull away.
I wouldn’t let him.
He growled.
I said, “You have a place. With us. With our pack.” I took a deep breath. “With me. And I know it’s scary. I know it’s not what you wanted, but it’s there all the same. We can leave this place. We can go home. And when we get there, everyone will be furious with us, so angry that we could leave them all behind after everything. And we’ll let them yell at us because it means they love us. It means that they never forgot us.” My voice shook. I was scraped raw, flayed open, lifeblood spilling out and staining the snow. “We’re pack and pack and pack. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want—”
He pulled away from me.
He went into the house.
I stayed outside in the snow.
HE LET ME HAVE THE BED.
I told him it was big enough for the both of us, and the thought made my skin thrum.
He shifted and lay down in front of the fire.
I stared up at the darkened ceiling, the flames flickering and popping.
As the night deepened, I said, “Back at the house. Our house. In Green Creek.”
His ears twitched. He was listening.
I said, “When the Alpha died. Shannon Wells. More blood spilled needlessly. I was confused. I never asked for this war, never wanted to spend my life fight
ing. I was angry at my father for letting it get this far, even though he’d been dead for years. It felt like we continued to pay for his mistakes. A name is a name is a name, but by any other name… and I remember thinking how easy it would be. For this to all be over. Michelle Hughes was the Alpha of all. She had what she wanted. And then your father was on the screen, thousands of miles away but there all the same. He asked if we weren’t tired of everything, all this death. All this fighting. And it made sense to me, because I was. I hated myself in that moment, because it felt like a betrayal.”
I turned my head to look at him.
Violet eyes were watching me.
I said, “And then he said he wanted Robbie, and I knew there was no way in hell we’d ever let that happen. That even though I could understand where he was coming from, what he wanted would never happen. Still, there was that little voice in the back of my head, and it was whispering what if, what if? I’ll never forgive myself for that.” I closed my eyes. “Then he said your name, and you listened to him. You stood up, and you were listening. I hated you so goddamn much. You didn’t lie, not exactly, but you knew. You knew who you were. What he was to you. What Gordo was to you, and you didn’t say anything.”
He whined pitifully.
“But then he said he wanted you. That he wanted you to come to him, and it was like this fire started in my chest. I was never going to let that happen. I was never going to let you go to him. I didn’t understand why. Even in the face of all the little asides, all the knowing smirks that make me feel so goddamn stupid in retrospect. You want to know why I’m here? Why I chased you across miles and miles and for months and months? It’s because it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I finally find something of my own, something all for me, only to have it taken away. Your father was right. I’m tired, Gavin. Of everything. Paying for the mistakes of all those who came before us. All I want is to live free and feel like I’m not dying with every breath I take.” And it was there, finally, the box unlocked. I embraced it as best I could. “You’re my mate. And if you don’t want that, I’ll learn to deal with it. I’ll move on. Find someone else. But even if that happens, I’m not going to leave you behind. Pack doesn’t get left behind. And no matter what else we are to each other, we’re always going to be pack. You were his first. But you’re ours now. Nothing will ever change that.” I opened my eyes, and the shadows danced along the walls.
He stood slowly, swaying side to side.
I thought he was going to go out the door and disappear into the forest.
He came to the bed and stood above me, head cocked.
He leaned forward, pressing his nose against my forehead, and I said, “Oh,” because in the storm of indecision swirling within him, in the violet Omega rage, was blue and green swirling together, and it ached.
He pulled his head away, trailing his nose down my arm.
He opened his jaws, teeth glinting in the firelight.