He gaze was apologetic when she realized how her words might sound to Megan, of all people.
“It’s okay, Caroline. Really. Go on.”
“Christian was maybe ten years old when it happened. He was always an energetic, happy child. Sometimes too energetic, trust me,” Caroline added with a laugh. Her smile faded. “But I recall that during Henry Nightingale’s trial, Christian became quieter than usual, moody, and withdrawn. When he had a nightmare one night—something that was a rarity for Christian—I remember associating his unrest with Nightingale. I planned to talk to him about it, but in the next few days, he seemed to rebound. I should have still addressed it with him, but…he seemed so happy again. I suppose such painful things are easier sometimes for a parent to ignore than tackle, especially when the results seem so temporary.”
Caroline sighed. “Who knew that it would come back to haunt me in such a strange way?”
”Don’t, Caroline. You’re a wonderful mother. Christian adores you.”
Caroline
smiled and patted her hand. “Don’t worry. Christian is one of the strongest people I’ve ever encountered. I’m not likely to feel guilty about any aspects of his upbringing for long. I only brought it up so that you might understand him a little better and forgive him if his reaction seemed extreme.”
“You’re right to tell me,” she murmured. “It’s something I’ve never considered…that Christian was a child in the neighborhood at the time, that how Nightingale would have affected him.”
“There’s something else I want you to know. Christian has reacted so strongly about it because he feels so strongly about you.”
“Why do you say that?” Megan murmured without meeting Caroline’s eyes.
“Some things a mother knows without being told. I always could read Christian like a book, much to his regret. When he was little he could be one of the devil’s own when the mood struck him. But there wasn’t a time after he misbehaved, even when he was in his early twenties, that he didn’t communicate to me in some way—usually indirectly—his regret. He’s one of the most honest individuals I know. He feels his own perceived shortcomings deeply—“
“Why, Caroline?” Megan asked. It was a part of Christian that she’d never fully understood; his extreme defensiveness when it came to misperceptions about him. Surely such defensiveness wasn’t just rooted in others’ jaded ideas. Christian seemed too mature to know that he couldn’t change most people’s opinions. Surely his edginess had to do with his own self-doubts, too.
Caroline sighed and glanced up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “He’s done things he regretted, Megan. He’s far, far from being what the tabloids made him out to be, but I suppose there was a kernel of truth to a few of those lies rooted in some of his wild behavior when he was younger, when he first knew success with the band. After what happened to his wife—”
“Cecilia,” Megan inserted.
Caroline nodded. “She was a beautiful girl. But she wasn’t strong like Christian. It wasn’t just her sudden illness that made her that way, either. She didn’t have the strength to persevere, to believe in their relationship through hardship…to believe in Christian. Of course, that’s just a mother’s opinion. It can’t be easy for any woman to hear that her husband has been unfaithful.”
“But Christian hadn’t been,” Megan said staunchly.
Caroline laughed. “No, Christian is as loyal as an old dog once he’s decided where his allegiances lie.” She studied Megan with kind eyes. “He doesn’t give his loyalty easily,” she said softly.
Megan just nodded. Her heart seemed to have swollen and pressed uncomfortably against her breastbone.
Caroline smiled. “You can trust your feelings. I have the impression they won’t steer you wrong.” She patted Megan briskly on the back of her hand. “Now, how about a lesson?”
Chapter 13
Megan conquered her embarrassment later that afternoon as she faced Jeff at the doorman’s station.
“Jeff, do you know if Christian is at home?”
“Yeah, he’s up there. Seth Down just went up a little while ago.”
“Oh,” Megan paused, uncertain. Maybe she should try to see him later, when he wasn’t busy?
“Do you want to go on up to his place?” Jeff asked.
Megan looked surprised. “You would let me?”
Jeff shrugged. “Chris put you on the permanent list of people that I could let on the elevator without calling him first.”
“When?”
“I don’t know. Last week sometime, I guess, when he told me that you were coming up to his place for dinner. I started to make a temporary note of it, but then Chris asked for the permanent permission form. It’s a pretty short list, so I tend to remember it.”
“Oh,” Megan murmured, stunned.