Grace felt her cheeks burning. “Yes, I swore I would never do anything like that again. But sometimes crazy things come out of my mouth and bypass my brain.”
“I know it. But don’t worry... that’s one of things I love about you.” Katy’s mouth dimpled as she winked. “Do you have plans this weekend? Going someplace fun with your hunky doctor boyfriend?”
Grace’s stomach bunched up. She’d been trying to avoid thinking about Brad. Ever since last weekend when he’d mentioned the idea of love and marriage, she’d known she had to break off their relationship. It was wrong to keep stringing him along as if her feelings were as serious as his. She had to do the right thing.
She tried to keep her tone of voice light. “Actually, I don’t think we’ll be dating much longer. I plan to end it tomorrow night.”
“I thought you really liked Brad. What happened? Was he cheating on you?”
“No, worse than that. He said the L-word.” Grace pronounced the letter like it was a curse.”
“How awful!” Katy’s words dripped with sarcasm as she crossed her arms and rested against the doorframe. “He should be tarred and feathered. Or maybe we should burn him at the stake.”
“You know I don’t do long-term relationships. I just date for fun.”
“How long are you going to let one bad relationship ruin your life? Can’t you just accept that Mark was a jerk and move on? That was your freshman year in college—it’s been five years now.”
“I have to accept the fact I’m too gullible. I believed Mark when he said he loved me, just like I believed Marcie when she said her ankle was hurt. I’ve learned that all guys want is to have sex. So as soon as they make a move or use the L-word, I know it’s time to move on. I’ve done that ever since the fiasco with Mark, and it’s been working great.”
“But if you follow that rule forever, you’ll never get married.”
“I don’t want to get m—” Grace’s throat clenched as she squeezed out the word. “Married.”
“Your face just turned white, Grace! What is it with you and marriage? You were one of my bridesmaids, and you loved it. You’ve been gushing about your brother’s engagement. Why is marriage okay for everyone else, but not for you?”
Her throat felt like hot gritty air had been blowing through it. “I don’t know. I think it’s because I really believed I was in love with Mark. I don’t think I can ever trust my own judgment.”
Katy’s head was already shaking with a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you expression etched on her face. “Just don’t do anything crazy, Grace. Give him a chance to prove he really does love you.”
Grace forced her lips into something she hoped resembled a smile, but she didn’t reply. She knew she didn’t dare take that chance with Brad. Her willpower wasn’t that strong. If he really convinced her he was in love, she would make the same mistake she made with Mark.
Handsome and athletic, Mark had professed his devotion and spoke of their future together, his sincere words thrilling her even more than his kisses. In a moment of weakness, she stopped fighting and surrendered to passion, imagining their certain future together as husband and wife.
But the next day, she was filled with regret. She told him she didn’t want to have sex again until they were married. His jaw hardened and his eyes narrowed, cold fury lacing his words. He called her cold and manipulative and about fifty other adjectives that ripped her heart out and left behind scar tissue that would never heal.
It was then that she realized she couldn’t trust herself. She’d thought she was in love. She’d believed he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. But she was wrong. So wrong. She couldn’t trust herself, and she couldn’t trust men, either.
After nine miserable months, her sisters and friends convinced her to date again. But now, she was careful to guard her damaged heart. She never allowed a physical relationship to progress beyond a few kisses, and never in a private place where she might be tempted to repeat her mistake. She always ended her relationships before anyone became too emotionally involved, usually after one or two months... three at the most. This routine had been working for years.
Some men were only interested in sex, but that kind of guy was usually upfront about it, boldly suggesting they could be friends with benefits, upon which she would send him packing before the relationship got started.
But others were subtler in their approach. As she got older, she saw a pattern developing. Once a man began to talk about being in love with her, mentioning how much he cared for her, there seemed to be only one way he wanted to express that love—through sex. Some would even profess love on the very first date. She hated hearing that word, because it didn’t mean anything, at least not what it ought to mean. The one thing it always meant was the end of a relationship.
But Brad was different from other guys she’d dated. Perhaps it was because, at thirty years of age, he was six years her senior. Whatever the reason, he hadn’t pushed her sexual boundaries. He took her out and entertained her and spent time with her and made her laugh for two months. And not one time had he ever attempted to do more than kiss her. But man-oh-man did he ever kiss her. His kisses made her toes curl and clouded her normally clear judgment. She knew if they continued to date, she’d soon be willing to abandon her physical boundaries with Brad. And even more dangerous, she might fall in love with him.
Grace knew she had to break up with Brad, especially after what he revealed the week before. She couldn’t get it out of her mind...
They had been at Brad’s apartment, watching a baseball game, one of her favorite pastimes. Even though her small stature and cute features made her seem like a prissy girl, Grace loved sports of every kind. She liked baseball, basketball, hockey, football, soccer... You name it—she liked it. His roommate, Josh, joined them on the couch since he was currently mooning over a girl who wouldn’t give him the time of day.
Her eyes kept darting away from the game to look at Brad. He was, in her opinion, the most attractive guy she’d ever met, with six feet of lean muscle. He wore his dark-brown hair closely cropped and sported a goatee, a look Grace absolutely adored. His eyes were blue, light crystal blue, like looking into water. Like her, he was an outdoor and sports fanatic. He was extremely bright, having done his emergency room residency at one of the most prestigious programs in the country. But he recognized her intelligence, never talking down to her even though she was a first grade teacher. She’d never had as much fun with anyone in her life as she’d had with Brad.
The trouble started when Josh was called into work at the hospital, leaving the two of them alone. When Brad reached his hand out to tenderly cup her cheek, gazing at her with his eyelids halfway closed, she felt her heart begin to race. With no more than the lightest brush of his lips across hers, she felt a fire kindling inside her.
“Grace... You’re so beautiful.” His voice was low and gravelly, and she could hear him breathing fast and heavy. She wanted to let herself go and be fully engulfed in his touch, his caress, his whisper. But she knew this was the dangerous time, when she could easily disregard her own boundaries. She didn’t want to do something she would regret later.
He planted light kisses all along her jaw and she lifted her chin to allow him access. His fingers trailed up and down her neck, sending millions of sparks through her nerves until she was squirming in her seat. He moved his mouth back to hers and teased her lips until she pushed her mouth against him, yearning for full contact. But he held back, playing with her lower lip until she moaned into his mouth. At the sound he groaned back and his kiss became more urgent. Harder. Seeking. His tongue slipped between her lips and slid against hers.
Abruptly he pushed himself away and fell back against the couch. “Grace, I can’t keep doing this.”