“What happens if she doesn’t?”
He shakes his head. “I guess they put her in jail. I don’t know.”
I let out a strangled laugh, covering my mouth. “Jules in jail would be a funny sight.”
“Yeah, well, we won’t be visiting her.”
I shake my head, agreeing with him. Letting out a yawn, I move to lie down. I’m so tired, both mentally and physically. Josh sneaks in, spooning me from behind.
“I’m so sorry, Joey. I feel like I’ve done nothing but apologize since we got together. I hope you know how hurt I am that she did this to us … to you. I told her I’m done, that her and I are no longer on speaking terms and I questioned whether I’m the father or not. Bronx really thinks I’m not.”
“I know. I told you that but you wouldn’t listen.”
Josh sighs and digs his face into my neck. “I’m an idiot. I honestly can’t blame you if you leave me.”
“Is that what you want?”
He rolls me over so we can face each other. “Hell no. Joey, since I came home and found Bronx here I’ve been a fucking mess. Every day … hell, probably ten times a day, I texted him asking if he’s heard from you so I know if you’re okay. I hated that you left your home because of the cancer I brought into our lives. God, baby, you’re everything to me and if I have to spend the rest of my life making up for Jules and her bullshit, I will.”
Josh pushes my hair behind my ear and my eyes close at the simple gesture. When I look at him his eyes have changed from sadness to longing. “Being without you these past few days have been torture. I show up on set looking like a fucking mess and my day doesn’t get much better. Coming home to an empty house is the worst possible feeling when I know I could’ve prevented this. Everything that happened is my fault and I’m sorry.”
“Did you go to the doctors with her?”
He shakes his head. “Never. The only place outside of our home that I have seen Jules without you is the day before filming at the coffee shop. She showed up after I had a meeting with Barry. I told her then, the same thing I’ve told her repeatedly, that I’m in love with you and she needed to learn to accept that because it wasn’t going to change.”
I lean into Josh and let him hold me. The warmth of this touch, the calmness of his breathing and the way his body intermingles with mine lulls me to sleep. It’s restless, but still more than I’ve had in the past few days.
When I wake, I’m alone. The wall of windows is open and I can see the soft glow of the fireplace outside. Josh is sitting by the fire, spread out on the couch with his feet hanging over the edge.
“Hey,” I say, trying to alert him to my presence.
“Hey.” He sits up and pats the spot next to him. “How’d you sleep?”
“Better than I have the past few days.”
“Yeah I haven’t slept at all.”
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that so I stay tight-lipped and focus on the flame coming out of the fireplace.
“I’m sorry for leaving, Josh. There really isn’t an excuse other than I panicked and was really fed up with all the shit going on surrounding her.”
“I know. I don’t blame you, Joey. I only wish you had called.”
Shaking my head, I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them. “I couldn’t. I’d hear your voice and forget why I left and I’d be back to square one.”
“I figured.”
“Thing is, I never asked to be matched to you, that was done for us and I couldn’t be happier. I love you. I’ve fallen so deeply in love that nothing should matter, except it does. I can’t have her in my life, ruining everything. She’s the type of person that if you give her an inch, she’s taking a mile. First it’s my dress, next it will be a vacation, or down the road Christmas morning.”
Josh pulls me into his lap and holds me. “I promise I won’t let that happen. If, and it’s a big if, the baby is mine we’ll have a custody agreement in place. My new lawyer says those are pretty solid so if she violates it, she can go to jail.”
“What do you mean, ‘big if’?”
He sighs and kisses my cheek. My whole body reacts, screaming at me to kiss him back, but I hold back. “Bronx shared some information and the likelihood that the baby is mine is very slim. I already went down to the hospital and did the DNA swab and I paid to have a rush job done so we should know once she does her part tomorrow.”
“Do you know how foolish I’ll feel if the baby isn’t yours?”
“You?” he asks, laughing. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months because I didn’t want you to leave me. You’re not leaving me, are you?” His words are hopeful, yet pleading.