As soon as I hang up with him, I call Jules. The sound of her voice is like nails on the chalkboard.
“It’s official,” I tell her.
“What is?”
“You’re the biggest bitch I have ever met and I regret ever being introduced to you.”
“Joshieee,” she whines, dragging my name out.
“No, Jules, you need to listen because I’m only saying this once. This shit you’re pulling stops now. I’m calling my lawyer and having you held for contempt or whatever the fuck it’s called. I want a paternity test done now. I’m also calling the police and having my house dusted for your fingerprints, especially on Joey’s dress. This shit is so fucking childish. You’re an adult, it’s time you grow up and act like one.”
“Josh, I didn’t—”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t do anything. You just admitted it. If you weren’t guilty you would’ve asked what happened, but you already know. I’m done, Jules. If the baby is mine, we’ll share custody, but until I know for certain I don’t want you anywhere near me.”
I hang up before she has a chance to say anything. It’s not going to matter what she says, I don’t believe her. Not anymore.
My final call is to Joey and this time I leave a message, telling her how sorry I am that I ever met Jules and that I promise to make it up to her. I assure her that I’m not cheating, nor have I cheated since the day I kissed her on stage under the lights with the audience watching. By the time I’ve hung up and called back three times, I’m running out of things to say aside from I’m sorry, I’ll fix everything and that I love her. My last words to her are, “We’re doing the production of our wedding if you don’t call me back.” If that doesn’t do the trick I don’t know what will.
For three days I avoid him. The phone calls, the text messages, they all went unanswered. I even went as far to deactivate the GPS on my phone so he couldn’t find me. I thought about running, but made it as far as the ocean before I stopped. The beach was calling me and I thought I’d find peace here. For the three days that I ignored Josh, I sat on the beach with my toes in the sand, watching the waves crash into the sand and listening to the seagulls and families around me live life.
When the sun would set and the bonfires would start I stayed in the shadows, remembering a time in my life when this was the norm. The young couples flirting and falling in love—that was me once, and when it went to shit I thought I’d never find it again. I want the laughter, the dancing around, and the kisses by the fire. I want my friends gathered around telling stories of our younger days while our partner holds us. It may seem too simple for some, but for me it’s how I always pictured things would be. I want simple and not hectic, and I suppose being married to Josh Wilson it has to be the latter because his life is crazy.
When I met Josh I knew he was too good to be true, but I still hoped. I still thought I deserved some sort of happiness. I’ve listened to his messages, read them, too. Some were frantic while others calm. The threat of another television show is there and that means I have to make a decision. Do I stay married to Josh or do I end it? I honestly have no idea what will be better for me. I’m deeply in love with him and I know he loves me, but I’m not sure if it’s enough.
I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m second-guessing everything. Josh says he didn’t cheat and I want to believe him. Deep in my heart I know he’s telling the truth, but my brain can’t accept it. My mind keeps playing scenarios over and over in my head. What if I go home now and Jules is there? What if she’s in my house, my room and taking over my life because I can’t seem to find the resolve to get up and listen to my husband?
Wiping my tears with the backs of my hands, careful not to get sand in my face, I finally stand and head back to my car. It was easy to find a hotel along the beachfront, but I hated being there without Josh. I wanted to experience the serene beauty of the ocean with him; walk on the sandy beaches and play in the waves. At night I longed for his touch and often lay there listening to the ocean when I should’ve been sleeping.
The drive back to our house is done without the chatter of the radio. I need to think about the words that I want to say, to tell him how I feel and be confident in the decision that I’m making when I step in the door, because even as I pull into my driveway I don’t know what I’m going to say or do. I don’t know if I’m going to stay here any longer.
No sooner do I shut my car door do I find Josh standing in the doorway, watching me. His eyes are bloodshot; he looks pale and I think he’s lost some weight. He doesn’t move when I reach the entryway, instead he stares at me, his eyes move over my body as if he’s inspecting me.
Words are caught in my throat when he pulls me to his chest in a crushing hug. My response is automatic as my arms wrap around him, gripping his shirt in my fists. When he lets out a sob, I follow quickly. I don’t know how long we stand there crying in each other’s arms, but it’s a while and it’s worth it.
He takes me by the hand, leading me into our house. The last time I was here, I was breaking down in front of Bronx while I showed him everything, each piece of evidence worse than the others, but nothing could even come close to what Jules had done to my wedding dress.
When we get to the living room, the existing black sectional we had has been replaced with a white one with red accent pillows.
“If you don’t like it, we can go pick something out together.”
I nod, unable to form any words right now. He continues to take me to our bedroom. I stop suddenly and gasp. Our n
avy blue comforter has been changed to a dark purple, the same colors in our bathroom. Tears well in my eyes and when I look at Josh, he’s crying, too.
“I don’t know how she got in, but I changed the locks as well. I also called the police and filed a report against her. Baby, you have to believe me, I didn’t cheat. Hell, I didn’t even pose for those pictures. I don’t know where she got them from or how she got into our house, but it’ll never happen again.”
I wander around the room, wondering what else she has tainted. I have never met someone so evil before. Sure I’ve read stories about women like her, but to encounter one? There are no words to describe the agony she’s put me in.
Sitting down on the side of the bed, Josh sits down beside me.
“You changed the bedding?”
“All of it. I threw everything away, too. I didn’t want any memories of her around this house.”
“But there will be when the baby comes.”
“Not if it’s not mine. Bronx and I had a long talk. I can see why you’re friends with him. And while I may never be, he opened my eyes to a lot of the stuff Jules has done in the past. I was stupid to trust her. She has to take the paternity test tomorrow.”