“Page is my middle name,” I say and she nods. “At least my mom gave me that.”
“If you don’t like football, why do you do it?”
I shrug. “It’s hard to stop something you’ve been doing for so long, but my heart isn’t in it.”
“What’s your heart telling you, Mr. Liam Page?”
I like the way she says my name. I say it a few times in my head. “It’s telling me to try music.”
“I think you should listen.”
Before we know it, it’s dark and the café is closing. Betty follows me back to campus and sits front row while I perform. She beams with pride and claps wildly when I finish my five-song set. I walk her to the door, happier than I’ve been in a long time and thankful that I finally have someone who understands the pressure that my father has put me under. I hate that he did the same thing to my mom.
“Thank you for everything, Betty,” I say, as I’m holding her hands in mine.
“Would it be too much to hear you call me grandma just one time. I’m an old lady and I’ve dreamt of this moment for so many years.”
I lean forward and peck her cheek. “Thank you for a fabulous day, Grandma.”
She beams, lighting the room with her infectious smile. “If you ever find yourself in Los Angeles, you give me a call. I have a house on the hill that overlooks Hollywood and a room with your name on the door just waiting for you.”
“I will, Grandma.”
She pulls me close and whispers. “Follow only your dreams, Liam.”
I lie in bed, unable to sleep. I’m antsy and on edge. I slip on my shoes and leave my dorm, walking across campus to my coach’s house. I know it’s late, but I don’t care. I need answers and I want them today.
I knock three times before he answers. He’s still in his burnt orange polo and khaki pants. Always dressed like it’s game day.
“Westbury, it’s late. Whatever you have to say it can wait until tomorrow.” His arm rests on the doorjamb as he hunches over. He’s not a man of authority, at least not right now, but the smirk on his face tells me that he’s not pleased to see me. I stand tall and square my shoulders. This moment is going to be the catalyst for what comes next in my life. I have to do it with conviction or he won’t take me seriously.
“Actually it can’t. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m stumped. You haven’t won a game all year. You’ve only scored three touchdowns in five games and yet I’m still on the bench. Why is that?”
He folds his arms across his chest. “Do you think you’re better then Rogers?”
“I know I am, but you won’t play me.” My words are matter-of-fact. I know I’m the best on the field, yet game after game I sit there watching us lose. I watch the game recap. I read the articles. Everyone’s asking why I’m on the bench and now I want to know. His answer may change my mind. Deep down, I’m hoping that it does. I want him to tell me that he’s going to start me on Saturday. If he does, I’ll stay. If he does, I go back to my dorm, call my girl and wish her a goodnight. If he does, the dream is still intact and no one has to know how close I am to breaking.
“And you’re asking me why?”
“Yes sir, I am.”
“It’s simple. You don’t want to be here, you said so yourself. I heard you that day, in the hall. At first I thought, wow, what did I do to deserve one of the top five? Turns out, nothing. When your buddy backed out, I thought for sure you would too, but here you are looking for playing time on a team that you don’t want to be on.”
I shake my head. “All you had to do was tell me you weren’t interested instead of wasting my time.”
“I wasted your time?” he says incredulously as if my time means nothing to me.
I nod. “You did, but I’m clear now. See ya around.”
I turn and walk away with him calling my name. I run back to my dorm and pack my shit. I’m done with the Longhorns and Texas. I know what I want to do and I don’t know if I’m going to succeed, but I’m going to die trying.
Chapter 25
As soon as I leave campus the anxiety sets in. I was a macho piece of shit back there thinking my shit don’t stink when I was talking to the coach, but now that I’m on the road, driving with no destination in mind, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I just left college without any hesitation or reason. I can stay and be a third string quarterback and get a free education. As long as I show up to each and every practice and do what’s asked, they can’t kick me off the team. So why leave?
I don’t know.
I don’t know anything right now. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My parents are going to flip even though it’s clear they don’t give a shit about me, despite Sterling’s attempt at making peace before I left. Going home isn’t an option though. I don’t care if I have to live out of my truck. I’ll never live with my parents again.