“I know what you mean. Listen I gotta go. We’ve never fought before and…“ I look at her and try to grin, but can’t.
“See ya later, Liam Westbury.”
I nod and walk down the same path Josie just took when she ran out of here. I stuff my hands deep into my pockets and walk past my truck. I’m in no shape to drive and I need to think about what I’m going to say to Josie to explain what she saw. Thoughts of breaking up creep into my mind. Was today a sign that she’s ready to end things? I don’t want to think about that, but the truth of the matter is it could happen. I’m leaving for school sooner than she’ll have to check into her dorm. I thought about asking her to go with me, but nixed the idea when I signed with the University of Texas using Katelyn as an excuse. I shouldn’t care about Katelyn’s feelings, but mine and Josie’s. Everything with us is changing and there’s no stopping it so maybe breaking up is the next step. I want to marry her though. At least I think I do. I see her in my future, by my side.
What if she doesn’t see me in her future?
I stop and bend over. My hands are clutching my head as I scream loudly into the night air. I hate having so much doubt in my life. I’m eighteen, everything should be simple. I should be happy and relieved that I’m done with high school, but I’m not. I want to start over. I want to go back and tell Sterling that football isn’t everything. I want to tell him that I want to have football and music… I place my hands on my knees and breathe in and out, trying to catch my breath. Music - I don’t know where that came from. I haven’t touched my guitar in months. Not since that fateful day in my room. I should’ve told Josie about what I was doing then maybe her reaction would’ve been better. But I kept the secret. Just like I’m keeping the secret that I don’t want to play football anymore.
I will though because it’s what’s expected of me and God forbid I let anyone down.
Josie’s house is dark and has never felt more unwelcoming than it does now. I stagger to her window, drunker then I’d hope to be by the time I arrived. My hands try to lift the windowpane, but it doesn’t budge. I try again with the same results. She’s locked me out. I rest my head against the cold glass and sigh. I could scream and yell, but right now I really just want to cry for what I’ve done to her tonight.
“Josie,” I say loud enough for her to hear me. My knuckle taps on her window. The annoying ping grates my nerves. She’s never done this to me before. I haven’t either. “Josie please open the window.” Tap… tap… tap. “Josie, please.”
“Go away, Liam.”
I straighten and cup my hands trying to see in through her blinds. “Josie come on, let me explain.”
I wait and listen for any movement, but hear nothing. She’s not coming to the window and that pisses me off. I knock a little harder on her window. “Josie, open up and talk to me.”
“Go home, Liam.”
“I don’t have a home, Josie. Come on babe, open your window before someone wakes up.” As upset as I am with Mr. Preston, I don’t want him waking up to hear us talking. “Baby, come on.”
Her blinds spring up and facing me is one angry Josie with make-up running down her face. She’s been crying and I don’t blame her but she’s reading too much into what she saw earlier. If she’d just talk to me, she’d understand.
Josie raises her window and leans out. I don’t move, holding my spot against the side of her house. “Go home, Liam. I don’t want you here.”
“What?” I choke out.
“Leave.” She points out toward the road. I follow her arm, shaking my head. I reach forward and try to touch her before she pulls back. “Don’t touch me.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I’m angry and drunk, not a good combination. “Get out here and talk to me because if I leave, I’m not coming back. Is that what you want?”
My words make her pause. She looks at me briefly before stepping back into her room. I hear her door open and close and can only assume she’s on her way out here. With my luck today she’s gone and gotten her father to come out and kick my ass. Maybe that’s what I need, my ass kicked.
Josie comes around the corner, dressed in her stupid tiny shorts and one of my t-shirts. In this moment I don’t care that she’s mad, I want to drag her ass behind the tree and do things to her that will make her dig her nails into my back.
She stomps toward me, her finger poking me in the chest. She continues to do this until we’re closer to the aforementioned tree and almost far enough from the house where her parents won’t hear us clearly.
“You don’t get to come over here drunk and demanding shit from me Liam Westbury. I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but I’m done with whatever is going on in your head.”
I put my hands back into my pocket and bite the inside of cheek. “You’re done, huh?”
“I will be.”
I nod. “I see and why’s that?”
Josie crosses her arms, which does nothing for my resolve. “I saw you with Candy.”
“You didn’t see shit, Josie. You saw us sitting on her fucking bench talking. That’s it.”
“You were smoking.”
I throw my hands up. “Oh man, you better call Sterling and tell him Beaumont’s golden boy was smoking. Better sound the sirens because Liam Westbury is going off the deep end here. I had my reasons for doing that tonight.”
“Oh yeah, like what?” She challenges. I shake my head and step away from her, only for her to step back in front of me so I can see her.