I walk around aimlessly. I could stop and talk but I don’t want to answer the questions asking where Josie is. We’ve never not attended a party together and I can only imagine what this looks like. Honestly, I don’t care right now. Why didn’t she speak up and invite me? It’s not like we’ve just started dating.
“Hey Liam,” the voice startles me, coming from behind. I turn and see Candy sitting on her bench swing with one of her legs tucked underneath her. A cooler rests by her other foot with a beer in her hand. It’s crazy to think her parents are okay with this.
“Candy,” I say, cordially. We aren’t friends, but we used to be back in middle school. We just grew up and went in different directions.
“Wanna sit? It can get claustrophobic in there.” She nods toward her house. I turn and look as if I need confirmation.
Against my better judgment I sit down next to her. She doesn’t move or adjust the way she’s sitting, so her knee is resting against my thigh. We sit without talking, and drink. I don’t know if it’s five or six beers that I share with her, but they’re starting to pile up in front of us. The buzz is working, it’s numbing my anger.
“Where’s your ball and chain?”
I chuckle, not at what Candy calls Josie, but the fact that Josie isn’t here. I shake my head and start to peel off the label on my bottle. “Don’t know, family shit.”
“Aren’t you guys all but married now?”
“Nah, that’s Mason and Katelyn.”
Candy laughs. “Yeah I heard he proposed the other day. What’d she say?”
“Same thing she’s been saying for a year, yes, but not yet.”
“Do you think they’ll get married?”
I look at Candy and see hopelessness. I see a girl who just wants to be loved, but went about it the wrong way. “Yeah, they’ll get married and have a shit ton of kids.”
We grow silent again. It’s peaceful aside from the music and noise coming from the people in her pool. I watch Candy from the corner of my eye. Her leg swings back and forth, but she’s too tiny to move us. It’s me moving the swing, keeping us going. Candy fumbles with something from her pocket and I watch as she takes out a cigarette and lights it. She blows smoke into the night sky, closing her eyes while she does it.
“Want some?”
“No thanks,” I reply.
She hands it to me anyway. The brown stick burns a sweet smelling fragrance into the air. I’m intrigued to try it, but know I shouldn’t.
“Go on, it won’t hurt you,” she says, closer than she should be. I bring the cigarette to my lips and inhale. Immediately, I start coughing, but Candy doesn’t laugh. She takes it from me.
“Like this,” she says, smiling. She shows me how to inhale and exhale properly. Honestly it makes me feel like a bit of a dweeb not knowing the basics. Candy leans forward, one of her hands rests on my shoulder and the other holds the cigarette to my lips. I know I should move away, but I’m enticed.
I purse my lips and let the cigarette rest inside, inhaling until my lungs are burning. She pulls it away, but not before
I hear a gasp. I look up and see Josie standing a few feet away from us, shaking her head.
“Josie,” I gasp, though another coughing fit, but it’s too late. She’s gone.
Chapter 19
Josie runs from Candy’s yard before I can really comprehend what’s going on. I stand, knocking Candy away from me. Her cigarette falls onto my shoe. I kick it off, frustrated that I allowed myself to get into this situation.
“Well that was unlucky,” Candy says as she bends down to pick up her cigarette.
“You have no idea,” I mutter. “I have to go,” I look at Candy. She half smiles and nods before looking down at her hands. I don’t know why I feel the need to tell her, but I do.
“You know, Liam, I’ve known you for a long time and even though we haven’t been friends, I do care about you. It’s hard to believe, I know,” she chuckles, taking a deep breath and continues. “I made one mistake in high school and that was being with the wrong guy. My classmates gave me a reputation that I didn’t earn. It’s funny how everyone knows that you and Josie have sex, but she’s not labeled a whore. I’ve been with one guy and I am.”
“What’s your point?”
Candy shakes her head. “I guess I don’t have one. I don’t know. I just wish things were different.”
I stand next to Candy and let her last few words soak in. She doesn’t know how much those words hit home for me. Every day I wish things were different and hate that I can’t change anything. It’s too late. My path has been laid out for me for years and my girl is right there behind me, pushing me along. Why? Because she doesn’t know any better. Because it’s what I told her I wanted and I can’t seem to find the words to tell her that I want something different. How do I know if I want something different or just want out of Beaumont?