“I grew up between two sisters; my mother raised me to be sensitive to others and my father taught me to always listen to my gut. Sure, he was talking about animals and ranching, but the thought still applies now.”
“If you say so.” I try not to laugh but a giggle still escapes.
He leans forward and kisses me softly. “I’m in love with you, Bellamy. I asked you from the beginning if you believed in love at first sight because I hadn’t until I met you. That day, up on the top of that hill, as soon as I laid my eyes on you, I knew I had to know you. And now that I do, I don’t want to let you go.” He brings our conjoined hands to his mouth and kisses mine.
“Hawk,” I say his name quietly into the stillness of the room.
“I’d ask you to marry me if I didn’t think you’d run. So, I’m going to ask you the next impossible thing . . . will you considering giving up the life you have here to move to Boston to be with me? I know it’s a lot to ask, leaving your job and Chase switching schools, but I see a future with you, and I’ve tried to picture how it would work with me there and the both of you in Montana. I’d only see you in the off-season and summer vacations if you came to Boston. I love you and I love Chase and I understand if this is moving too fast for you. We can try the long-distance thing, but I can already tell you that you’ll hate it. When I go on road trips, it’ll be early morning or late-night calls. On nights we travel, it’ll be quick texts before I jump on a plane and if I lose a game, I won’t want to talk.”
“And if you lose a game and come home to us, what’s the difference?”
Hawk smiles. “Because you’ll be there to comfort me, and Chase will tell me everything I did wrong because that’s the kind of player he’s going to be — constructive and supportive. I want to raise your son, Bellamy. I want watch that boy grow into a man, guide him, and be someone he can look up to.”
“You want all of this after only a few months of knowing us?”
“Minutes, hours, days, weeks and months of knowing you. Time has stood still here for me since I met you, measured only by my time in rehab. Part of me wishes I was still hurt so I could stay longer, but the other part of me wants to get back to Boston and do my job because every game I’m away, I’m letting my team down. I know that may not make much sense to you, but to me, they’re my family.”
He trails off and in our dimly lit room, I see him searching my eyes for an answer. It would be so easy to say yes, to tell him we’ll pack up and move tomorrow, but it’s not that easy.
“You’re in love with me?”
He nods. “From the first day.”
“I’m in love with you as well,” I say, and then smile. “Not exactly on the first day, but shortly thereafter.”
Hawk grins. “I’ll take it.” He leans in to kiss me, but I place my hand on his chest to stop him. “What is it?”
“I have to talk to Chase and my mom. She’s one of the reasons we moved back, and I want to speak with her before I decide. I think I know what Chase wants, but I’d like his input. His opinion is important to me and while I think he’s going to say yes, I think he should wait until his baseball season is over.”
“I agree,” he says.
“And if we do this, where will we live? I’m assuming we’d live together?”
“Of course,” he says, smiling. “Right now, I have a two-bedroom apartment. Not conducive to a ten-year-old though. I figure we can pick a neighborhood and buy a house together, something that fits a family.”
A family. “Hawk,” I draw out his name and sigh. “Do you want children? I only ask because . . . well I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore.”
His hand is back to caressing my cheek. “If we were to have a baby, I’d be ecstatic, but I have Chase and he’s more than I could ever ask for, Bellamy.”
I want to tell him he has Matty too because while he may be in denial, I’m not. The more time we spend with her, the more I’m convinced he’s her father.
I pull Hawk toward me, urging him lay on top of me. I love the way his weight settles over me, as if he’s trying to keep me safe. My fingers brush against his hair; it’s become shaggy over the past few months and I know he’ll cut it before going back to Boston. He’s made many comments about the long-haired ball players and how it’s a distraction.
“I love you,” I tell him before reaching up to press my lips to his. Earlier this evening, and days leading up to now, I fretted about what life was going to be like with him gone, and now I know . . .
He wants me.
He wants Chase.
And he wants us in Boston.
Twenty-Nine
Hawk
It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off me now that I’ve told Bellamy how I feel. Last night, the time was finally right. Earlier, during dinner, I sensed there was something wrong, even though she assured me she was fine. She was quiet and sort of disengaged from what was happening around us. At first, I thought she wasn’t connecting with the other wives, but I saw the way she lit up when they spoke to her . . . until Pawtucket was mentioned. In that moment, her demeanor shifted, and I realized what was going on. In the end, I’m happy it all happened because I don’t know if I would’ve said something last night otherwise. Effectively, all I’ve been accomplishing by avoiding the subject is putting off the inevitable, but time is drawing near. I’ll be returning to Boston shortly.
Today, I’m at the field early and I can’t figure out why. Something told me I needed to be here, maybe to oversee the grounds crew. The rec department does a good job making sure the lines are down, and David Farmer is always early to check the lightbulbs in the scoreboards and to post the day’s schedule. The concession stand is already cooking hotdogs and even though I’ve already eaten, my stomach growls. After parking, I walk to the field where our game is today and sit down in the dugout to look out over the field. The grass is short, there’s fresh chalk running down the first and third baselines, and the scoreboards are lit up. So why am I here when I could be home with Bellamy and Chase, getting ready for the day? There’s no reason. I’m about to leave when I catch something out of my peripheral. I turn and find Matty standing at the entrance of the dugout.