What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t want everything to return to normal because normal for me isn’t good. Normal means Chase is sad and doesn’t have friends, whereas now, he’s surrounded and he’s happy. Normal means lonely nights and an empty bed. As much as I told myself not to get attached, I am. It means Brett is back to making my life difficult, not that he’s ever really stopped. He’s doing everything he can to prevent Hawk and his family from buying the land next to his building. I fear, once Hawk leaves, it will become Brett’s because I’m guessing Hawk’s brothers-in-law might be friends with Brett. I can’t prove it, but Brett always seems to be one step ahead of me. Of course, it could come from the seller’s family as well, but they’ve assured me they want nothing to do with Larsen. Normal also means Greg is back to harassing me about the way I parent and how I need to give into Brett to makes things easier for Chase. I don’t want normal, not one bit.
Greg was here for about ten or fifteen days, off and on, until Priscilla gave him an ultimatum. I realized then that no matter what goes on in our son’s life, he will always choose her and that’s fine. He’s made his choice and Chase has been very clear that even at the young age of ten, he doesn’t want his father around. I worry this all changes when Hawk leaves.
Hawk’s hand squeezes my thigh, bringing my attention back to the table. “Are you okay?” he whispers in my ear. I look into his eyes and tell myself tonight’s the night. I’m going to tell him how I feel. I’m putting all my cards on the table because if I don’t, I may not get another chance.
“I’m good,” I say, hoping to reassure him. I’m not sure I’ve done the job because he asks if I’m sure and all I can do his nod. From this point, he does his best to include me in the conversations floating around, but most of what is being talked about is his life in Boston, their hectic schedule and whether he knows his plans once he gets back.
“Wilson said something about relief.”
“No AAA?” Ethan asks.
“Nope.” Hawk shakes his head. “I thought for sure I’d finish the season in Pawtucket.”
“What’s Pawtucket?” I ask.
“It’s where the BoRe’s have their AAA team,” Daisy interjects. “I’ll take you there when you come visit.”
“Oh yes, we’ll go shopping. Providence has the best mall around,” Ainsley adds.
“The one in Burlington is nice,” Saylor says. “Plus, less taxes.”
I slink back into my chair. Hawk and I haven’t discussed me visiting him in Boston and here the wives are, talking about including me in their shopping trip, as if it’s a done deal. Hell, maybe he’s just assuming it’ll happen since we’ve practically been living together, with him already playing a parental role to Chase. Except, nothing is ever said about future plans, whether we have one together or not, other than what time Chase has practice or a game. Suddenly, I feel like an outsider even though I know that isn’t Hawk or anyone at this table’s intention. I don’t know what to say, so I smile and thank them for including me.
When the little kids start to get fussy, we call it a night. Thankfully, the wives who surprised their husbands today rented a car, and Hawk happily hands the keys over to his borrowed SUV so everyone else could go back to their hotel. The plan is for everyone to meet at the field in the morning for the mini BoRe’s baseball game. Although, I don’t know how the kids will do, knowing there’s professional baseball players in the stands watching them.
As soon as we’re home, I tell Chase it’s time for bed. As usual, he requests Hawk read to him and even though going over stats isn’t exactly education, I don’t try to stop them. They’ve bonded and I’m not about to come between them.
Afterward, Hawk enters my bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. We don’t expect Chase to burst in but we’re still cautious. As upset as I am over the impending situation, I can’t help but smile at the man as he comes toward the bed. He’s stripping, taking off each article of clothing with each step he takes. Only, he’s fumbling and l
aughing his way to nakedness.
“Are you naked under that comforter?”
I shake my head and pull the blankets back to show him I have his t-shirt on.
“Panties on?”
“Yep.”
“Ugh,” he groans as he crawls into bed. “You gonna make me work for it tonight?” he asks, placing his hand under the shirt. His touch is cold and I shiver.
“I thought we could talk.”
Normally, this would push a guy away but not Hawk. He keeps his hand where it is and props himself up with his other. “Yeah.”
“You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?”
He nods and moves his hand from my hip to my cheek, brushing his thumb back and forth. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, to bring it up, but there never seems to be an appropriate time to say the words.”
“It’s okay, I understand.” I don’t but I also don’t want him to feel bad. I knew this day was coming.
“How can you understand when I don’t?”
“What do you mean?” I ask him.
He adjusts slightly, pulling me closer. We lay on our respective pillows with our hands clasped in the middle. “For weeks I’ve been trying to come up with the words, things I need to say to you and Chase. In my head we have this amazing conversation, and everything goes the way I want it to, but then reality slaps me in the face and reminds me that not everything is about me. So, here we are and the things I’ve been wanting to say to you still need to be said. Earlier, I saw the way you were looking at everyone, and could see something in your eyes.”
“For a guy, you’re pretty perceptive.”