While everyone finishes tuning, I make sure my kit is stationary, that every nut and bolt is tight, that the toms sound right, that my foot pedal has the right amount of tension, and that my bass drum sounds just the way I need it to.
Pulling a pair of sticks from the caddy, I go through a run, starting off slow until I build the tempo. I continue to play, pushing through the ache in my arms and wrists until our sound crew tells us they’re ready for rehearsal.
As soon as Quinn strums his guitar, followed by Hendrix, and Dana sings the first line of our new hit, I’m lost in the beat. I play everything on auto pilot while I soak in her voice. I love this group, not because I’m in it but because of the songs Quinn and Dana sing. They mean something, not only to me, but to all of us, as well as the masses out there who are downloading our songs. I realize while I’m hitting my drumsticks against the toms that I want Whiskey to be here. I want her to see us play, to be a part of the experience. To do that, I’m going to have to play my cards right. I’m going to have to show her that despite everything, I want her to be a part of my life.
After rehearsal, we gather in the green room and chow down on the buffet provided by the catering company. It’s always different from the previous location, which is a nice change.
When Betty Paige and Chandler, Keane’s daughter, come into the room, I have to swallow a lump that forms in my throat. I could’ve been the guy who had a child on tour. He or she would be about seven or so, following me around, waiting back stage and living on the tour bus. Life for Whiskey and I could’ve been totally different than what we have going on now. I long to have the life with her that we were supposed to have.
After dinner, Keane and I stand backstage and listen to the local group opening the show. People are still finding their seats as they play. They try to entertain the crowd, but it’s hard. The people aren’t into it. They paid for the headline act, after all, not to see the openers.
“Tough crowd,” Keane says.
“I was just thinking the same thing. I’m also thinking how lucky we are. Without Elle, Quinn and 4225 West, we’re just like this opening act trying desperately to get some attention.”
“Don’t I know it. I’ve been the small fry before, as well as being part of the headline act. I’m perfectly happy where we are.”
“How does Chandler like being on tour?”
“She loves it, although I probably would too if I got to fly everywhere. She gets along very well with Paige. She likes her tutor as well, which is good otherwise I wouldn’t tour during the school year.”
“It’s almost summer vacation, right?”
He nods. “A few more weeks. I’m hoping to take her to Disneyworld when we circle back to Florida.”
That’s where I wanted to take Whiskey for our honeymoon. I told her it would happen, that I would save every cent I had to make her dream come true. I can do it now, but the meaning is lost. Maybe I’ll make the offer anyway, to come as my friend when the time is right.
If the time is ever right.
As soon as the group on stage starts their last song, Keane and I head to our dressing room to get ready. Inside, Dana is pouring champagne for everyone.
Elle holds her glass up high. “I just heard that your new single will debut at number one on the charts this week. This,” she pauses and looks at all of us, “is what we’ve worked for. The dedication each of you have put into this group, following my vision, and never giving up, has proven to be successful. I am honored to be your manager.”
We clink glasses and praise each other. I set my flute down and go over to Elle, pulling her aside. “Can you get me Jamie’s number?”
“Why?” she asks. I know she’s meant to protect us from the people around us, even from ourselves, but surely she has to know that considering the situation I’m in with Whiskey, we need to communicate.
When I don’t answer right away, she nods. “I have it. I’ll text it to you, but please be careful, Ajay. Neither of you are in the same place you once were, and you don’t need your emotions getting in the way of what you’ve got going on here.”
“I know, Elle. My head’s in the game. I promise.”
She places her hand on my arm and gives it a squeeze. “It’s not your head I’m worried about, it’s your heart. I saw the way you looked at her… it’s the same way I look at Ben. Just be careful.”
“I will,” I tell her although my voice lacks the conviction that I need to make myself believe it.
“Alright, unless you’re in the band, please leave the room so they can get ready. We’ll see everyone after the show.” Elle shoos everyone out except for Liam, Harrison, and JD. We come together as a family, arms linked around one another, and pray silently until Liam breaks the silence.
“Another show, another victory.
Make the night yours.”
Seconds later, one of the staffers comes to our dressing room. She leads us to the stage, telling our sound and lighting people that we’re on our way. As soon as the lights dim, the crowd starts to cheer.
“I love you guys,” Dana says as she hugs us all while the rest of us high five. We walk out together, all except for Dana who comes on after the melody has started. As soon as I sit down at my kit, my phone vibrates. It’s Elle, with Whiskey’s number. I save it quickly under Whiskey Girl and send her a text: I’d like to talk to you after my show tonight, around 8 or so. Will you be awake?
I don’t have time to wait for her response before I have to start playing. From the moment I slam my sticks down and the lights come on, I’m in my zone, and I’m fucking happy that in a few shorts days I’ll see my girl, even if she doesn’t want to see me.
Throughout our show I do nothing but think about Whiskey and how I miss her. I only spent one day around her and now I can’t get her off my mind. Each song that we play reminds me of her, which is crazy because I haven’t written a single one of them so there’s no underlying influence. Maybe love is all the same and I’ve just been too deaf to really hear what Dana and Quinn have been singing about.