Thinking about sex has my core aching, missing Joey’s touch. He still owes me. I laugh at the thought. Maybe he’ll show up in ghost form to pay the debt.
Lying in bed, my fingers skim across my stomach as I listen to Nate grunting and the sounds of a woman moaning. I miss being the one who is moaning too loudly and getting bitched out by Natalie for her having to suffer through the sounds of her best friend and her brother screwing.
Joey knew just where to touch me. He was such a sensual lover.
The first time we were together he went above and beyond to make sure I was comfortable and pleasured beyond measure. His fingers and tongue touched, licked, tasted, and caressed every inch of my body.
On autopilot my fingers trail downward, until they find the crotch of my panties. Rubbing across my lips, I imagine Joey doing the touching. His dark chocolate eyes soft with love and determination to get me off. I think about his tongue sweeping across my clit, loving the way I taste. I bring my finger to my mouth just as he used to do with his own and lick my finger. My other hand teases at my nipples, and I wish more than ever I hadn’t let Joey throw out my vibrator. He said I had him, I didn’t need an imitation.
At the time I agreed, but now as I lay here getting worked up, I wish I had BOB.
The woman getting pounded next door by my unwelcomed neighbor screams incoherently paired with the sound of their bodies slapping together. No wonder Natalie moved across the hall away from Joey and me. Loud sex must run in the family.
I try to ignore them and think about Joey, but I keep picturing Nate’s face instead. There is something seriously wrong with me. Even though they resemble each other, they are different in many ways. Nate’s hair is cut shorter and is slightly darker. He is also more muscular. Joey was in good shape, but his arms were half the size of his brothers.
God, I miss him, his touch, his voice. Unable to concentrate on my own pleasure, I tune back into the performance happening next door.
He must really be giving it to her. Something hits the wall behind my head. Next, I hear the smacking of his hand landing on her ass. I squeeze my thighs together. He must be doing her from behind against the wall. I can’t help but imagine how intense his eyes must be when he is fucking. I wonder if they smolder like the
y did when he was yelling at me earlier. My fingers are back at my pussy as I think about how he looked when he told me off. Nostrils flared, jaws clenched, eyes dark and heated.
Dangerous.
Erotic.
I hear him clearly now. “Fuck, you like it rough like that? You like it when I pull your hair and pound into you harder?”
Nate is a talker, Joey was too.
“Yes!” she hisses in response. They might as well be lying next to me. I can almost feel their panted breaths they are so close to where I am laying.
My fingers are buried in my pussy, sliding in and out, working faster and harder as I rub my nipples in sync with the thrusts shaking the wall.
“I’m so close,” he tells her.
I want to shout, “Me too.” But I refrain and bite my lip, imagining his muscular body slamming into me with full force, filling me to the hilt, and him biting my shoulder when he climaxes. I circle my clit faster and faster wanting to get off right when he does. I pretend it’s me on the other side of the wall getting her ass smacked and her hair pulled. I hear a guttural groan rip from his throat signaling his climax and I get off, picturing him looking down at me with those dark eyes.
As soon as it is over though shames floods me. I’m a terrible person.
Maybe Natalie was right to tell Joey he shouldn’t marry me.
Not that it matters now.
Still though, I can’t help but wonder if he is looking down on me know ashamed of who I have become.
Chapter 9
Natalie
I’ve been in the kitchen with Ma for three hours slaving over the stove making rolls, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, baked beans, pasta salad. She’s driving me nuts with all this food. You’d think she was expecting Nate’s unit or something. I’m exhausted, and I am certain my makeup has melted from my face. I run out to my car to grab my makeup bag, noticing my brother hasn’t returned.
Audrey messaged me earlier and told me what an asshole he was. I vaguely told her about his PTSD and asked her to overlook him. It will take time for him to adjust.
I hope he doesn’t disappoint Ma. She’s had enough heartache lately. I know this is hard for Nathan, even if I don’t understand what he’s going through. His doctor said he has survivor’s guilt. I am afraid being here and coming to terms with Joe’s death is going to make him worse instead of better. And I don’t know why Ma insisted on inviting that bitch Felecia here. She doesn’t give a shit about Nate. They dated all through high school. She was a dirty whore then and she’s still one now. She comes to the bar sometimes. Even had the audacity to make a pass at Joe JR before he got serious with Audrey.
However, I put on a smile and tell her how lovely it is to see her as she gets out of her car. She’s dressed in a barely there black slip of a dress made of sheer material. I can see her nipples. Ugh! She follows me inside having come here many times over the years.
I make a mad dash upstairs to get away from her and reapply my makeup in my old bathroom. I can hear her fawning over Ma, her voice is carrying through the vent as she asks if she can do anything to help. She goes on and on making a spectacle of herself. “I think it’s fate that Nate is back home, and I’m recently divorced. He always was so handsome. I bet he’s even more fine now,” she gushes. Ugh, no, she isn’t sinking her teeth back into my brother. Not on my watch. “He’s handsome like you are, Dad.” She did not just call my father dad, gah. He’s Big Joe to everyone, including her sluttastic-self.