She’s going to feel like hell come morning.
Taking the room key, I go in search of a vending machine. I find a couple of snack machines by the pool. It takes me three tries to get the machines to take my crumpled bills, but I manage to get her some crackers, along with a bottled water.
Back in the room, she is still sleeping soundly. I place the items on her nightstand, and debate leaving a note. In the end I decide against it, I’m leaving in a few days for boot camp, and she won’t remember a damn thing about this tomorrow.
I kiss her forehead, turn out the light, and bid her goodnight.
I never knew her name—until today. I wonder if she remembers that night. The universe sure is a funny bitch sometimes.
Chapter 8
Audrey
God. I thought that asshole would never leave, he just kept berating me, letting me know his position, like I fucking asked. Maybe it’s time I talk to Natalie about the future of the bar. I don’t think I can bear to look at Nate, “the dick” a minute longer. He freaks me out, and I get the weirdest sensation that I know him. It’s gotta be the fact that he so closely resembles Joey. If I had met such a prick before I would remember.
What was he expecting? He comes here looking like my dead lover and thinks I am not going to stare. It’s like caching glimpses of the man I love. So many times, I wanted to walk up to him, wrap my arms around him, and hug him close to see if he smells like Joey. I know it’s wrong, but I’m drawn to his brother. I can’t seem to stop myself. He’s made me cry twice today. I can’t believe he had the nerve to speak so rudely to me.
No compassion.
No fucks given.
Just hey I’m a prick, deal with it. I dealt with it all right, by ugly snot crying in the closet.
After collecting myself I stayed in the office with my puffy eyes and runny nose for comfort. There was no need for him to be so cruel. I mean yeah, someone staring at you can be uncomfortable and awkward, but I’m grieving, and coping the best way I can.
At least I am handling my, I’m not sure what to call it—my loss of Joey better than my breakup with Grant. When he bailed on me, I drank way too much, and fucked one too many losers, until I met Joey. I try not to think about the girl I was back then very often.
Sure, I drink too much when thoughts of Joey are hard to bear, but at least I’m not taking random dick back to our apartment.
I wouldn’t.
I can’t.
Joey’s memory deserves so much more than that.
These past few months since he’s been gone, I’ve not done a very good job in keeping my shit together. Going over the books proves I’ve let my grief run the bar under. I’ve got to pick myself up and do better for Joey’s memory. He wouldn’t want me staying drunk and ruining what he worked so hard for.
Resolved to turn this place and my life around, I go out front to prepare for tonight. I can’t change things overnight, but a sober performance is a start.
I do my best to ignore Nate while I am on stage, but I can feel his daggered stare piercing my heart. It’s okay for him to gawk at me like a creeper, but not for me to do it to him I suppose. By the time I finish my second song he’s gone to his coming home party. Lewis is getting ready to take off. I promised him, and Natalie I would stay and mind the bar. I know I’m not wanted there anyway. Why would I be? Things between Joey’s family and me have been odd at best since his passing, other than Nattie. I don’t exactly blame her for her argument with Joey the day he died, but I am still hurt she didn’t think I was ready to marry him.
Sometimes I think it would be easier had she not told me that vital piece of information. I wish she had taken that to the grave. Well, let Joey take it with him. Then other nights I lie awake when it rains and wonder what if I had been pregnant when he died. I could’ve had a little Joey growing inside of me. I lay there rubbing my stomach, knowing I will never know what it feels like to carry the baby of the man I love.
Life isn’t fair.
It’s ugly and cruel.
I am snapped from my thoughts by Sasha giggling. Freddie is whispering something in her ear. I knew it. I knew they had the hots for each other. It’s sweet.
“Hey, lovebirds,” I call out over the music. “Get back to work.” I grin and Sasha blushes.
The kitchen is closed, but Freddie always stays around another hour or so to help wash glasses on busy nights. I wasn’t expecting much of a turn out, but it makes me happy to see us half-full. Most people want simple drinks, beer, a shot or some good whiskey and Coke.
I’d love to have a Jack and Coke, but I am making a new promise to myself to try harder. I can’t keep running from my problems or looking for answers at the bottom of a liquor bottle. It’s time to grow some lady balls and turn this shitstorm I have made of my life around.
Joey would want me to do better. He’d want me to live again. Wouldn’t he?
Hours later, when I am laying in bed, I hear Nate next door, fucking the brains out of someone, it’s either that or he’s watching some porn a bit too loud.