But when he’d pulled away and kissed me gently, his eyes were black with pain and weariness. Whatever mental wounds he still had from his concussion had pushed him past conversation.
If he didn’t sleep, he’d black out. And if he blacked out, who knew if all this incredible progress would be deleted.
I wanted him too much to push him too hard.
I could be patient now that he’d given me a glimmer of hope.
I’d placed the remaining painkillers into his fist and tugged him toward my blankets in the conservatory. But he’d pulled against my invitation, giving me a heart-breaking smile. “I promise you, I’m ready to face what I’ve been running from. I want to ask what happened between us in the library. I want to know what happened in the bath we shared, seeing as I still can’t remember. I’m ready to be with you, Gem. But...I still can’t sleep with you.”
I’d opened my mouth to argue, but he merely pressed a finger to my lips. “I don’t want to hurt you. And after tonight...after Jareth’s return and everything else, I can’t guarantee your safety.” His eyes had been so gentle. The kindest I’d ever seen.
Whatever had switched inside him made faith blaze bright in my chest. It promised that all my struggles and trials where this man was concerned were justified. He wasn’t just beginning to live again, he was choosing to.
He was choosing me over death.
Choosing hope over loss.
Choosing happiness over misery.
So I did the only thing I could. I kissed him good night. I watched him head toward the staff stairs to the dorm, then snuggled into my makeshift bedroom in the conservatory and fell asleep.
How many hours had passed since then?
Was Kas still asleep or—
The noise came again.
The same noise that’d woken me. Heavy and violent. A bang or a thud.
Fear flew down my legs.
Kas.
Ripping off my blankets, I shot to my feet and headed into the foyer. The sun shone through the windows and skylights, but the air was cool, feeling more autumn than summer. My hoodie offered some protection, but I still hugged myself as I padded over cold marble, my ears pricking for another sound.
It came again, louder this time, closer.
I broke into a run.
What if Jareth was doing something he shouldn’t? What if Kas was in trouble?
Darting down the corridor toward the kitchen, I slammed to a stop as I found the back door wide open.
Kas never left it open.
Stepping outside, I peered into the bright sunshine.
There.
A figure in the distance, running as if coyotes were hunting him.
Kas.
Where the hell is he going this time?
Panic flared. Watching him vanish into the woods reminded me too much of last night. Of him running from me just as we were about to have sex. The way he’d retched and acted like a man at the end of his limit. A man with no other option.
Surely, after what he’d said before we went to bed, he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He had me now. He’d accepted he had me. He wouldn’t hurt himself or look for a permanent way out.
Would he?
“Kas!” My body chose the only option; I ran.
I flew out of the kitchen and gave chase.
My sore feet from running barefoot last night bellowed in discomfort as twigs and debris poked me. But it didn’t stop me. I didn’t slow. Worry drove me. Worry and fear and the need to help the man I loved.
I kept running as Kas vanished into the thicker trees, doing my best to follow and not lose him. Shadows fell over me from leaf-falling branches. The chill in the air wrapped around me as I charged into the forest after him.
My skin prickled as he slowed up ahead.
I knew this place.
I recognized it and all the evil it represented.
Slowing, I sucked in a breath as Kas dropped to his knees on the dirt where he’d once marched to kill me. An area of forest where nothing grew, not even weeds.
He sank forward, digging at the ground. A snarl ripped up his throat. “You’re dead. You can’t have her. I won’t fucking let you.”
I halted on the graveyard, breathing hard.
Kas continued to dig, his hands scooping and nails clawing at the earth. “I buried you. You can’t touch her.”
My heart thundered.
What did he see that I couldn’t?
What nightmare was he stuck in this time?
“Kas?” I stepped forward carefully. “Are you—?”
“Gem.” He growled my name, adding more speed, more mania to his bare-fingered digging. “Fuck, Gem!”
He didn’t see me—not in the same world as me.
Whatever he was thinking broke him apart. He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand, smearing blood and dirt.
Blood?
Had he hurt himself?
Unable to stand there while he dreamed whatever he dreamed, I stepped into the clearing. Memories of Kas marching me out here with a spade at my back came thick and fast. We’d tumbled in that very spot. We’d become enslaved to the raw connection between us before I’d struck him on the head and run.