Lucas doesn’t come upstairs. He must be digging the hole for us to bury Julian. He asked me where, and nothing felt real as I thought about the best place to bury an angel. I decided on the side yard, under a maple tree that turns a brilliant shade of red in the fall.
Wanting nothing more than to close my watery eyes and not think about anything, I pull the blankets over myself. Binx and Freya move in closer, and Pandora goes under the blanket and curls up against my stomach.
“Dad?” I whisper. “Can you hear me? We’re going to bury Julian tonight and I—” I stop, unable to continue. Turning my head, I cry into my pillow. I keep trying to talk to my dad but can’t get the words out. I lie in bed until someone knocks on the front door.
Sitting up, I wipe my eyes and pad into the bathroom to use the toilet and splash some water on my face. I strip out of the pajamas Tabatha brought me at the Covenstead and go through the motions of putting on black leggings and a black sweater.
And then I go downstairs.
Kristy, Evander, Tabatha, Ruby, and the twins are in the family room. I don’t want to make small talk. I don’t want to be told it’s going to be okay, that things will work out, and Julian knew what he was doing.
I just want to get this over with.
“Thanks for coming,” I say quietly.
“Of course, Cal.” Kristy comes to me and gives me a hug. Nicole and Naomi follow her, and the obligatory hugs and condolences make me want to throw up. This shouldn’t be happening at all.
Scarlet runs into the room, and a moment later, I hear the mudroom door shut. Tabatha takes my hands, brown eyes misty.
“Are you ready?”
My head moves up and down. Even if I weren't, what difference would it make? Julian is dead. His divinity burned up, and all that’s left is an empty body. And bodies need to be buried.
Lucas is washing dirt off his hands in the kitchen when we walk through to go outside. He quickly dries them and comes to me. I take his hand, inhale, and let him take me outside.
Binx is standing guard over Julian’s body, which is wrapped in a gray sheet. There’s a fresh mound of dirt next to a deep hole.
“Did you want to say anything, Callie?” Evander asks softly.
I let go of Lucas’s hand and kneel down next to Julian, fingers trembling as I pull the sheet back to look at his face. He looks exactly the same the last time I saw his lifeless face, thanks to the preservation spell.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, tears falling from my eyes like rain. Elena moves around inside me, almost as if she’s telling him thank-you for saving not only me, but her as well. “I won’t let Paimon get away with this. He will pay, and the price will be his blood.” Anger surges through me, and I want to hold onto it. Being angry hurts less. Revenge won’t bring Julian back, I know, but it’s all I have right now.
Lucas helps me to my feet, and my friends take turns saying goodbye. Tabatha is last, and she places her hand on the body and then stands, holding out her hands as she chants the traditional spell said at witches’ funerals. She has asked if I wanted to have the full passing ritual, but I told her there was no point.
Julian said angels stop existing when they die. They don’t pass on to an afterlife. They’re just gone.
Lucas kisses the side of my head and then signals for Evander to lower the body into the grave with him. Lucas is strong enough to lift Julian alone, of course, but this way he goes in slower, with more dignity.
Tabatha holds onto me, stroking my hair like she did when I was a scared little girl who just escaped my own living hell all those years ago. I feel disconnected from everything and everyone as we walk back to the house. I’m reminded that I’m physically here on earth only by the movements of my baby and the way pregnancy is making me hungry and needing to use the bathroom frequently.
“Do you need anything at all, darling?” Tabatha asks me when everyone is done eating and the conversation has stopped.
“No,” I tell her. “I’m tired. Tomorrow we need to come up with a plan to take out the Horsemen and then Paimon. Julian figured out where I’ve been summoning hellfire from.” I hold out my hand, bringing forth the blue fire. “The Lake of Fire, which guards a gate to another hell dimension.”
“Another hell dimension?” Kristy echoes. “Seven devils.”
“Exactly,” I say. “Ever wonder where that phrase comes from? The Book of the Dead says there are seven gates.”