"I did,” I say. “Pops got me a horse when I was ten,” I say. “We called him Ricky."
"I liked riding the horse," she tells me while she colors. “And I like Miss Charlotte and Mr. Billy."
"Me, too,” I say, smiling at her and putting the egg and toast down in front of her.
"I liked Tucker,” she says. “He was fun, and he said he was faster than me." She dips her bread into the egg. “We beat him on horses, too."
"Did you?" I sit down and watch her, my beautiful baby girl.
"Yeah, Uncle Reed is nice, too." I swallow the lump. “He said I could go back and ride the horse with him." She looks at me. “Can I, Momma?"
"We’ll see,” I say, my head screaming no.
"It was so much fun,” she says, her eyes lighting up. “So many people." I don’t say anything as she goes on and on about it between bites. When she is done eating, she asks to go lie down. “All the fresh air,” she says, “kicked my butt." She rubs her eyes and slides into bed.
"Did you have fun today?" I ask as she lies down.
"I went on a horse two times,” she says excitedly. “One with Billy and the other time with Uncle Reed." The minute she says that, I want to throw up. The heat rushes up my neck as I listen to her say his name.
"Uncle Reed,” I say his name without wanting to.
"He said he used to throw rocks at your window," she tells me, and the tears come, but I wipe them away before she sees them.
“He did,” I say, smiling. “It was a special code.” She looks at me and closes her eyes. “Good night, sweet girl,” I say, lying down with her. I hold her to me as my tears fall on my pillow.
When I looked around the barbecue and didn’t see Reed, I sort of felt a sigh of relief. If he wasn’t going to be there, I knew that I escaped the big one. I even let my guard down and sat down to talk to a couple of people.
My eyes were on Sofia the whole time. Her smile never left her face, and the sound of her laughter filled my ears. Then I saw him walking out of the forest. My heart started to speed up, and it was almost like I was having an out-of-body experience when he stopped beside her.
My heart sped up, knowing he was seeing her for the first time, and then it filled in my chest, knowing she just met her father. He smiled at her, and I got up. My first thought was to go and grab her and leave. But then she slipped her hand in his, and all I could do was watch. Watch my little girl get everything I wish I had.
He got on the horse with her and looked over at me. I just nodded as if to tell him she’s yours. She looked over at me, and they both smiled, and it didn’t take a DNA test to tell me what I already knew. He rode off with her, and I ducked out and went to the bathroom, where I let the tears come without fighting them off.
I made up excuses about having allergies when I walked out. My eyes roamed the field for them and I saw him with his hand around her waist to make sure she wouldn’t fall off. The laugh coming out of her was everything. I always imagined they would meet one day. I always imagined that the minute he met her, he would know. He would feel it in his heart, and it would be so fucking amazing for both of them.
I close my eyes, and all I can see is them together. His smile and her smile—it’s the same. I get up and walk back down the stairs to clean up the kitchen.
The soft knock on the door has me looking up. I knew it was coming. Even if I didn’t want to admit it, I knew this day would come. The knock comes again, and this time, it’s a bit louder than the last time. I unlock the door and open it, seeing him standing there. "Yes," I say, stepping out as he stands exactly where he did last week.
"I was wondering if you had a couple of minutes for me,” he says, and I look at him, his eyes on mine. I don’t answer him because I don’t really think it’s so much of a question.
"I met Sofia today,” he says, looking up at me the whole time. For once, I’m happy it’s dark outside, and I can’t see his eyes, nor can he see the fear in mine.
"I saw." I cross my hands over my chest so he doesn’t see them shaking. My mouth is suddenly dry as I try to swallow.