“Take the pain killers, baby. Don’t try to be a hero.”
“I don’t want the baby to be born stoned.”
“Not to worry, Mrs. Ferrano. It’s considered very safe. But, it is up to you.” The doctor was not impressed with my overbearing husband’s attitude.
“Take it, Tia,” Tommy urged.
Luc and Tess both made Tommy turn green when they talked about how much childbirth hurt at my surprise co-ed baby shower.
Yeah. Co-ed baby showers did not mix with Ferrano men. Dario was a good sport, but Tommy was not. He tried to escape three times. It was especially funny when they outfitted him with the paper plate “bra” covered in bows and ribbon. I printed the picture and put it on our fridge with a magnet.
He threw it in the garbage.
I dug it out.
He threw it in the fireplace.
“I can print more,” I taunted.
“After this baby comes, you got about ten different spankings owed, baby girl.”
I stuck out my tongue. “Is that eleven now? Because bring it on, Ferrano!”
I was so horny throughout my pregnancy.
“Doctor? Did we bring on early water breaking by having too much sex?”
The doctor looked surprised.
Tommy face-palmed with embarrassment, I think, but then his face went horrified.
“Oh God, did we do something bad?” I felt the tears welling up.
“You weren’t given any orders to refrain, Mrs. Ferrano, so you did nothing wrong. Thirty-eight weeks is considered full term. She won’t be a preemie. Everything looks good with vitals. We just need to get you dilating since your water broke. We don’t leave it too long otherwise you’re at risk for infection.”
“Infection?” Tommy snapped.
I gasped. “She? You said she. We didn’t wanna know the gender!”
“It’s a girl? A fucking girl? Fuck my motherfucking life.” Tommy put his head down, looking like he was gonna puke.
The doctor didn’t flinch. “Did I say she? I didn’t check the gender here.”
“What’s wrong with it being a girl?” I asked.
Tommy had his head in his hands. He sat down on a chair and didn’t answer me.
“Tommy? What’s wrong with a girl?” I kind of shrieked that part. “You think you’re not man enough if our firstborn isn’t a boy?”
“Mr. and Mrs. Ferrano…” the doctor spoke but I shouted over him.
“Really fucking nice, Tommy.”
I felt the water continue to leak out of me. I was wearing a hospital diaper. It wasn’t bad enough to be sitting here in a hospital diaper with amniotic fluid leaking out of me, now my husband was upset that it was a girl.
“This was why I didn’t want to know the gender. If your first born wasn’t a boy I figured you’d go all alpha male and be pissed off. But when you see the baby and find out when you see it, you wouldn’t care. Fuck my life.” I was bawling.