Instead of talking, my entire body went into blush-mode. I could count the times I’d been lost for words on one hand, and this was definitely one of them.
I knew he looked at me, waiting for me to talk, but I couldn’t look back. Instead, I stared at that black hotel logo on the green carpet. That was some ugly but probably expensive carpet. I wanted to make a joke about it with Crow, but this wasn’t the right time. I didn’t know what this was the time for.
The elevator dinged. Now I’d have to get in with Crow, still not knowing what to say. The two of us alone in that tiny space. I hated feeling this uncomfortable around him.
The doors shut.
“Fay, you can’t pull stunts like that,” Crow said.
“I wasn’t... I didn’t...” What the hell was I trying to say?
“You’re a good friend, Fay. Like a little sister. Well, not my sister. She’s nothing like you.”
I nodded, still looking at the floor. That was a brush-off. I wasn’t stupid.
“Let’s just keep things like they are,” he added.
I had to look up at him. I’d never be his little sister. I could be like that with Elijah and Damo and Jax, but never with Crow.
“I can’t. I’m not going to lie to you,” I said. I forced myself to look him in the eye, no matter how much I fluttered inside. “You might think of me as a little sister, but I don’t see you as a big brother. Far from it. This ‘friends only’ thing doesn’t work for me, and I think if you were honest, it wouldn’t work for you.”
He shook his head. Not like he was saying no, but like he had a thought in there that he wanted to go away.
With that beard covering his face, it was difficult to read his expression, but as much as he denied my words, his eyes said something different. He didn’t look at me like a guy looked at his sister. Not unless they came from a very dysfunctional family.
That prolonged gaze burned through me. It smoldered enough to burn me all the way through, stirring me up inside. He didn’t need to touch me or talk or anything like that. His gaze was enough.
The man wanted me as much as I wanted him, but something held him back. Something more than Polly. There was some big wall in his head, and I had knock it down. I could do that. I could be the bulldozer to his brick wall.
I longed to touch him. To reach out and grab his hand or stroke his arm. We didn’t need to kiss, even. I just needed my body in contact with his. Surely, that wouldn’t hurt.
But before I could act, the elevator doors opened, and he strode off to his room, leaving me alone.
Chapter 5
I RUSHED AFTER CROW. We needed to talk. Talk properly, not leave things up in the air like that.
He’d reached his room before I caught up to him. He’d just swiped his door card and had the door open.
“Go back to your own room, Fay,” he said.
Instead of doing that, I slipped under his arm and into his room. He wouldn’t get rid of me that easily.
“You’re lying,” I said. “You’re lying to me, and you’re lying to yourself. You can say all you like about me being your little sister, but that’s total bull. You want more than that, so admit it.”
He tried to push past me to get into his room, but I refused to move. I wouldn’t let him ignore me that easily. I needed to make him see that this was best for us.
He put his hands on my waist and lifted me up out of his way.
A shudder went through my body from that touch. Even when he moved away, the feeling of his hands on me remained. My entire body flushed, and for a moment, I couldn’t speak.
“We aren’t right for each other,” he said.
He organized some things in his closet, but that was just an excuse not to look at me. I’d seen his stuff, and it didn’t need reorganizing.
“How do you know if you haven’t given us a chance?”
“I know. You’re a kid, Fay. You don’t know what you want.”
He could say that, but that want pulsated through me. There wasn’t one part of my body that didn’t feel that want. My hair, my toes, the lint in my belly button. Every single part. And, hell, that want pulsated in more urgent places.
“I know what I want,” I said. “I want you.”