“How dare you compare me to another man, how dare you extrapolate my feelings like I was an object of science? You don’t know what I would have said or done. I was an honorable man. I would have loved you. I would have found—”
“You think I doubted your intentions?” It was her turn to shout. Her throat was raw, her eyes stung. But beneath it all, fear fisted her chest. “I trusted your word, your love, Azeez. I just couldn’t put that choice in front of you. You would have hated me later, resented me for that choice. I couldn’t bear the idea of it. I couldn’t—”
He pulled her to him, his arm gentle around her. She felt his breath blow over her hair, felt the shudder that went through him. “You broke my heart, Nikhat, and you didn’t even tell me the truth. You only thought of yourself.”
His palms on her shoulders, he pushed her until he could look into her face. And the loss she saw there, it said everything he didn’t say. “I love you, Azeez. I don’t remember a moment of my life when I didn’t.”
“Do you know the meaning of the word? Even if I could understand why you didn’t tell me all those years ago, what about the last few weeks? I bared everything to you, I let you see me at my darkest. All you did was protect yourself even as you made love with me. Was it your pride or your love that led you to hide the truth even then?”
“I’m sorry, Azeez. I am here now, I will be yours in any way you want me.”
Any hint of softening she had seen vanished, leaving those eyes of his empty again. He had never felt more unattainable, more out of the reach of her heart. “Because now you think I’m as damaged as you are?”
She flinched, as if he had slapped her, as if he had called her very soul into question. And she realized what she had done. “I have never thought that, not for a second.”
“You were right. If I had married you then, we would have destroyed each other with doubts and insecurities. And now, now there’s nothing but bitterness of the past, Nikhat, nothing but broken and impossible dreams between us.
Maybe we never were worthy of each other.”
He turned away from her, and his retreat was final, his withdrawal leaching away every ounce of warmth from the room. “You will leave the palace tomorrow. There will be a new obstetrician for Princess Zohra.
“No one will dare to talk about seeing you here, no one will dare point a finger in your family’s direction. Not after the service you have done for us. Or they will face the crown’s wrath.
“You will have your clinic. You will be back with your sisters. Thank you for everything you have done for me, Nikhat. I release you from your promise.”
* * *
Only a few days had passed when Azeez learned that his parents were back in Dahaara, in the palace. And yet it felt as if it had been an eternity since he had taken the decision that would dictate the rest of his life.
That was already dictating it now.
Running both hands through his hair, he drew a shuddering breath as the guard announced his arrival in their private suite.
He pushed the doors open and breathed in relief as he saw Ayaan and Zohra also waiting. He had made the right decision. But he still needed Ayaan’s support in this moment.
Grief, and pain and so much more that he couldn’t sift through, it all rose inside him like the wave of a tsunami as he reached his mother.
And the pain he saw in her eyes, the aching hunger as she studied him, that she quickly covered up with a quiet dignity, the piercing hesitation in her smile, it lanced through him. God, how selfish he had been to rob her of this joy in the wake of everything she had borne, how foolish to rob himself of the warmth and understanding that stole through him.
Reaching for her hands, he tugged her up, tears now running down his cheeks freely. “Will you ever forgive me?”
A cry burst free from her mouth as she hugged him hard, her tears soaking through his tunic. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her through the wracking sobs that shook her fragile frame, whispered apologies and promises, and finally felt his world finding some kind of peace.
“I knew it. And after all these years, too… Do you see this, Zohra?” Ayaan quipped.
Her mouth wreathed in smiles, Zohra turned to him. “What?”
“He’s still her favorite. I don’t remember her hugging me that hard when I came back,” he finally explained, and laughter rippled through the room.
Meeting his brother’s gaze, Azeez offered a nod of thanks. He owed his brother everything and he was determined to spend his life taking every burden away from him.
This was how it had been, his family. It had been his strength, his joy. Amira was gone, but she would always have a place in their hearts. His gaze fell on Princess Zohra and the happiness he saw there.