“Jesse,” I whispered, my voice ragged and raw, my body possessed by his touch. His hand squeezed my hip as he continued pulling every ounce of life from my body. His hair caressed the inside of my thighs and I wrapped them around him tighter. I wanted more of him. I wanted all of him. His mouth was so perfect, so fucking deliciously amazing…but I wanted more. I needed him.
“Baby, please,” I whimpered, lifting my hips to him. He raised his head, his blue eyes piercing mine, that slow grin spreading across his face as he moved up my body. His body was hard, chiseled, his cock throbbing beautifully between his legs, landing on my sex as a low moan escaped my lips.
He slid against me, teasing, up and down, so slowly, his hips moving on top of me, dragging himself across my throbbing, waiting center.
My eyes crashed into his as I realized he was teasing me. I shook my head in protest.
“Don’t…” I said. “Please…”
He kissed me, so softly, so gently, that I thought I would die of the need for more. I couldn’t handle soft and gentle anymore. I wanted more than that. I wanted him to touch me like the starved woman that I was. I wanted all of him. As much of him as he could give me.
He pulled back, his beautiful blue eyes shining with lust, peering deeply into mine. I knew what he saw when he looked at me, and for once, I didn’t care. Let him see how hungry I was. Let him see how much I wanted him. Let him see how needy I was.
He was the only person who could give me what I needed. My hands reached up, running over his wide, muscular chest, trailing over his huge shoulders and sliding down his arms. I shook my head, amazed at the perfection in my hands.
“What do you want, Maisey. Tell me,” he kissed my neck, his mouth inches from my ear as he teased me. “You know I love to hear you say it. Please, Maisey.”
I moaned, arching my back and pressing up to him.
“Fuck me, Jesse,” I cried, pushing my hips towards him. “I need it. I need you. Please, oh god, please…”
He groaned into my neck, a deep, guttural low groan that vibrated through me as he lifted his hips slightly and slid inside me. I shuddered in ecstasy, a surge of electricity shooting through my limbs. I wrapped myself around him as he moved against me, our hips dancing together as he slid in and out of my wet center.
His mouth found mine, silencing my cries as he kissed me so deeply, so sweetly. It was pure magic and the only thought I was able to form was that I never, ever wanted it to end.
And it almost didn’t.
* * *
Hours and hours later, drifting in between that sublime state that isn’t quite awake and isn’t quite asleep, our bodies spent and buzzing from the delicious overdose of sensation that only uninhibited lust can create - I couldn’t help but think how right it felt to be wrapped in Jesse’s arms.
He felt like home.
A home I’d never known, really. He reminded me of a past that I’d spent so long trying to forget, I’d forgotten there were parts of it that I’d been fond of. Jesse had been one of those things. In fact, before I left he’d been the most important of all.
My fingers trailed along his chest as I thought about him, about his heart.
The insane fact that he had given me a car was slowly coming back into my consciousness, and I wasn’t sure how to handle that. We’d gone on a short drive and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fall in love with it. After a few days of taking buses and taxis to work and Maddy’s school and the grocery store and everywhere else, it was beginning to take a toll on me, in more ways than one.
I told myself I’d only use it for short time and then give it back once I was able to get my Honda fixed in a month or so. I thanked Jesse, and we continued on our wonderful night, catching up and talking about old classmates and places around Ault that we’d haunted in our youth. It seemed like so long ago. I’d kept those memories in the dark for a long time; bringing them to life was like opening an old chest in my head. It wasn’t so bad, though.
Jesse had a way of looking at things through rose-colored glasses. He saw things in simpler ways, and his memory lane was a lot more joyful than mine was.
He was so generous, so sweet to me. And it went against everything I’d believed about him. It almost made me forget why I’d left.
Almost, but just for a second.
I’d never forget. How could I?
I’d wondered for so long how things would have turned out, if only we hadn’t had that one conversation. If only he hadn’t said those words, maybe I wouldn’t have run away.
Run away.
That’s what I’d definitely done. I couldn’t lie about it, or pretend I was running towards anything. I had nothing to run towards.
I was running away from Ault. I was running away from Jesse. I was running away from the sheer terror of what would happen if I stayed.
Yeah, it was a snap decision. But it was all because of what Jesse had said to me.
It was the week before we’d had sex. An innocent conversation between two young kids. But it had shaped the entire course of my life….
“You think you might ever want kids?” I asked.
“Me?” he said, wrinkling his tanned nose, causing little white lines to form in the creases. “Never!”
“Never?” I asked. “Why not?”
“Because once you have a kid, your life is over,” he said, shaking his head. “My parents waited till I was in my teens to have another kid. And I’ve watched my folks basically put their lives on hold for both of us. We’re so spread out in age, they’ll be taking care of us for over thirty years. They’re giving up all these amazing adventures they could be having - careers, pursuing hobbies, dreams… All of it. Gone.”
“I’m not ready for kids either… But maybe someday,” I replied, shaking my head.
“Someday, I guess. It’s not like I hate kids… I love my sister. She’s amazing. I just have a lot of things I want to do, you know? I’m going pro, Maisey. I don’t want anything getting in the way of that. I don’t have time for a kid.”
“I know,” I said, smiling over at him. “Maybe we should get to work on studying for this test so you can graduate first?”
“If we have to,” he said, staring into my eyes and causing my stomach to flip upside down. He always sat so close to me, looked at me so intently, had the most passionate conversations with me, I didn’t know what to do with him. His attention was unnerving, but it felt like the best thing in the whole world and I couldn’t help but want more of it.
And yeah, more is exactly what I got… A few days later we had sex. Not too long after that we were supposed to go to prom together. This was our night. An adventure just like Jesse said he wanted… Right up until I took a damn pregnancy test.
Telling him I was pregnant was out of the question. There was no way I could - not after that conversation. I couldn’t bring myself to dash all of his dreams. I knew how he felt. I knew how he would react. I knew he would be devastated, even if he played pretend… And most of all, I knew he was right. Having a baby would have changed everything for both of us, no matter how much we tried to make things work.
Jesse had so much potential to be great. It was obvious to everyone, even back then. Who was I to get in the way of that?
And me? I just wanted to run away from every problem I’d ever had.
A child would be challenging, but it wouldn’t ruin me. I could handle it, and even if I didn’t exactly know how I planned on handling things, I knew I would figure it out.
And I did. Maddy and I were doing just fine.
I’d thought a million times what things would have been like if I’d told Jesse the truth. For the first few years, I’d been plagued by self-doubt, especially when things got hard. I’d see Jesse on the news, or read about him in the newspaper… I’d see how high he was soaring and wish I could tell him how proud I was. He was accomplishing everything he said he would. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell him everything…
But I couldn’t do it.
What if he rejected us? What if he thought I’d betrayed him? He’d never understand the stress I was put under living in that house with my foster father. He’d never forgive me for being a naive young woman who made some rash decisions.
So I kept my secret. After a while, I stopped keeping track of Jesse altogether. I took care of Maddy and life went on, just as it always did. My life with Maddy was beautiful, but there’d never really been nights like this.
Tonight had been the stuff of dreams.
Luxuriously languishing in his arms, I felt on top of the world, like nothing could knock me down.
Something about being with Jesse made me feel strong.
And I was going to need a lot of strength if I intended to peel myself away from him and go back to my life. But Maddy was waiting for me, and I was pretty sure Eddie wanted to go home at some point, even though he’d told me not to worry about a curfew.
“I should go,” I whispered. “It’s getting late.”
Jesse was half-asleep, but he heard me. He pulled me closer and nodded sleepily.
“You have to go home?” he murmured. “To your daughter?”
My blood ran cold at his words. I’d never told him I had a daughter. I left that fact very deliberately out of our conversations…
“How did you know I have a daughter?” I asked, my heart racing in my chest.
“Someone at the clinic mentioned it, I think,” he said, shrugging.
“Oh,” I whispered. I was thankful for the darkness, because if he saw my face, it would have given everything away. “Yes.”