I still feel a little bit strange when I think of Ashley. It’s like now I’ve seen her in a whole new light. But I’m going to do this. I’m going to go and talk to her, because I’m not going to risk losing everything because our relationship gets complicated.
I march out of the bathroom like a man on a mission. I go straight through my bedroom, down the hallway to the guestroom and knock on the door. I wait impatiently for her to answer. I’m debating knocking again when she calls out for me to come in. What took her so long? Is she trying to get up the courage to face me? Or maybe she’s trying to compose herself because she thinks I want to fuck her again. Or maybe she’s playing hard to get?
Jesus, what kind of mess am I getting myself into?
I shake my head and open the door.
Ashley is lying propped up in bed, the book from my office beside her on the pillow. She’s using a tissue as a bookmark.
Although I try to deny it to myself, I have to admit it hurts a little to see her casually treat what happened between us as if it never bothered her in any way.
There she is reading a book like nothing happened between us and here I am boiling up with tension.
“What is it, Finn?” She asks with a sigh.
I realize I’ve been standing there staring at her like some fool. I clear my throat and move into the room.
11
Ashley
Finn and I had sex! Finn and I had sex!
I can’t believe I made it happen. And without a condom? How stupid am I? I need my head examined. Worse still, is how damned much I enjoyed it. Heck, it was the best sex I’ve ever had.
There I said it. But I have to let it go, because it sure as hell can’t happen again. This is a business arrangement, as simple as that, nothing more and nothing less, and I don’t want any lines getting blurred.
Watching Finn stepping into my room wearing only a pair of boxers makes my whole body clench with desire. I take a moment to run my eyes over his chest, over the six pack I want to wash with my tongue, and then lower, my eyes automatically going to his cock.
I tell myself to stop it right now and move my eyes back up to Finn’s face. He’s just standing in the doorway staring at me, and I know that if I keep looking back at him, something will happen again. It’s written all over his face.
And I can’t have that. He’ll just have his fun and I’ll be left nursing a broken heart.
“What is it Finn?” I ask with a sigh, as though he’s disturbing me, as though I didn’t just throw a tissue into the book beside me, so it looked like I’d been reading it. instead of being all torn up and restlessly pacing the floor.
Finn clears his throat when he realizes he is staring at me. He breaks eye contact and moves further into the room. He goes and takes a seat on the armchair in the corner, moving my clothes onto the dressing table top.
I can’t decide if I’m relieved he’s staying firmly out of my reach, or if I’m disappointed that he didn’t come over, peel back the duvet, and fuck me all over again. Because that is what every fiber in my body craves.
“About what happened, Ashley. I shouldn’t have let myself do that and I’m sorry.”
I’m not, I think to myself. “Me too.” I nod.
“Good. So then, we can both agree it was a mistake and it shouldn’t happen again. I think we need to set some rules.” Finn frowns. “I know we touched on this before, but that was at a time when neither of us thought we had to say no to having sex with each other. I think we both thought that to be a given at the time.”
“Look Finn, no rules are necessary. We’re adults. We fucked. It’s done. We won’t do it again. It’s that simple.”
“Right. Yeah. I guess you’re right. We just won’t do it again. We don’t need to talk about it and make it a big deal.” Finn is basically repeating back to me what I’ve just said to him.
Is it wrong that I’m kind of enjoying his discomfort? I know it’s a little mean, but Finn never really struck me as the kind of guy who got flustered, especially not about something like this, and yeah, it’s kind of amusing to watch. So sue me.
“And you’re sure you’re okay with this?” Finn asks. “Like it’s not going to be weird between us, or anything now?”
“I’m sure. Mind you, if you don’t let me get some sleep soon, I’m not sure how nice I’ll be in the morning,” I say, with a smile.