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sp; Her watery eyes snapped to his and he repeated what he said. “Our baby. She should’ve been ours by blood …”
“Johnny,” she whispered. “I’m so scared. I feel so lost …” she wasn’t sure how much more her shoulders could hold. She threw her arms around John’s neck and cried on him.
“Hold on to me and don’t let go. Let me be your anchor. Let me in, Alyssa … I’m begging you to. I promise to do my best. There’s no other place I want to be but here, and when I’m at base or away training, whatever my future in the Marines holds for me, I’ll still be here because my family is here for you, baby. You won’t ever be alone. I promise.”
“You should leave now, get out while you can. It would be better if you did.”
“Better for who? You or Me? I’m in too deep to get out now, honey.”
Alyssa hugged him tighter, her heart breaking. As much as she pushed John away, she reached for him too.
“Hold on to me. Use me, Alyssa. Get what you need out.”
Like a damn breaking, tears of pent up anguish and suffering broke free from her eyes. A strangled sound burst from her mouth and she cried. Alyssa cried so hard she couldn’t stop to catch her breath. And the whole time John held here and never let go.
Slowly Alyssa turned her head to face John. She knew what she looked like—a puffy red nose running and bloodshot eyes from crying. An ugly mess. Her eyes locked with his and she saw pity, but she also saw something else … determination … rage … anger … maybe sorrow …
“I’m not leaving you, Alyssa. Maybe one day you’ll come to realize that I’m not lying.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry for the way I acted … I just wasn’t expecting this.” Pulling her face to his, tears streamed down her face. John leaned forward and kissed the tears off her cheeks. That simple action caused her to unwind. She prayed he meant what he said, because by God he would pay if he didn’t.
Glancing back up, he saw the playful look in her eyes that he saw when he first met her. It was a look that made him want to kiss her hard. A gleam, a sparkle. It was there and it made his bones ache for her. God, he still wanted Alyssa, even when she was trying to keep him in a self-built prison and away from his little cupcake. He still wanted to love up on her after everything. Even when he was mad at her he wanted to wipe away the sadness in her eyes and make her smile. He wanted to lie next to her and comfort her, let her know that there was nowhere he’d rather be but next to her. Fuck Ben. Anyone could make a baby, but it took a man to be a father, and he was way more of a father than Ben would ever be in ten lifetimes.
John threaded his fingers through her tangled hair. Her sadness enveloped him. It pulled him under, forced him to feel her pain. Both were hurting, but he sucked up his own grief for her.
“Let me be there,” he said hoarsely. Tension radiated beneath his fingertips so he massaged her in hopes of alleviating any strain she was dealing with.
Alyssa reached up and gripped his wrists. She wasn’t sure if it was because she needed someone to lean on, or because she was scared of his next move. Maybe it was a combination of both. She began to relax, the fluid in her joints flowing through her bones. Her head lulled back, and then around in a full circle all the while John’s fingers never stopped with his intense kneading. His hands felt so, so good. Almost erotically good that she felt herself coming undone as a shiver broke out across her skin. Her breasts grew heavy and she rested her head on his nimble fingers. John’s breath tickled her neck. His lips scraped along her skin, igniting a fire deep inside. They trailed over her jaw and to her mouth, hovering in front for a very long second until he pressed his lips to hers.
Dear God, her lips felt good on his. Like her kiss was a drug and something was releasing into his blood. His fingers glided down her neck, over her shoulders and roaming her body until they settled on her waist. John didn’t think she could get any better, but she did. Alyssa’s newly shaped body was sexy as hell and he wanted to feel more of it. He had to admit that he was secretly happy she wasn’t skin and bones anymore. Sure, he appreciated a skinny chick, but with Alyssa filled out? It worked him up every time he saw her. Way more than it ever had.
Standing up, his lips never left hers as he pressed forward and urged her back. He wanted to explore every inch of her body with his fingers and tongue.
Alyssa froze, suddenly remembering the stretch marks that tracked across her body like a map from the damage the pregnancy had done. Her body was worn and used, not supple and tight like it once had been. And what young man would want that? Surely not John.
“I can’t … We can’t … Not yet.”
Her fingers ran over her tingling lips. His kiss sparked a fuse inside of her, a flare of heat she always felt when it came to John.
“Let’s take it slow and focus only on Brooke, okay? Nothing more.”
“Nothing more,” he mumbled. Again with the nothing word he was beginning to despise. It was difficult to take it slow when it came to Alyssa. He wanted to touch her and feel her every minute of the day.
Walking through the dim, blue tinted room, John felt out of place. His skin was crawling in the cold desensitized space. He wasn’t a criminal. Sure, he might have screwed around in his youth and had community service at one point, but he didn’t belong here.
And he sure as hell didn’t look good in an orange jump suit.
John spotted his target. Ben was the epitome of a piece of shit. He would love nothing more than to wipe him from the earth.
But unfortunately that was illegal. And again, he didn’t look good in orange. So he had to make do with his options.
After John left Alyssa’s apartment that night, he went to work when he got home. The following day he got in contact with her attorney and set up appointments for custody. He was exhausted most days since he wasn’t able to do any of this until after classes. But he arranged everything, all she had to do was show up.
John sidled up to Ben and took a seat on the sterile, gray benches nailed to the cement floor.
“Ben.”