Quietly, he said, “So you’re saying if I walked out of your life right now, that you wouldn’t care one bit? After everything?”
Of course she would care, life would suck without her best friend, the other half of her, but she couldn’t afford to care.
So she sucked it up and lied.
“No, I wouldn’t. I’m pretty numb to everything these days, except Brooke.”
“Right … you keep telling yourself that. But if that’s how you feel, then I’m out of your life, but don’t think for one second I’m out of Brooke’s.”
How could she trust John to always be there and not just in this moment? “What if you had a child of your own one day? Are you just going to up and leave?”
She needed to protect herself, but more importantly, she needed to protect her daughter.
“Last time I checked you have no legal rights to her. So don’t tell me what you’re going to do when it comes to my daughter.”
Talk about turning the fist in his chest that was slowly pulling out his heart. After everything, after all they’d been through he was being gutted by her cruel words. He thought he could handle just about anything at this point, but Alyssa throwing his not so legal daughter in his face? This was a totally different scenario.
“You’re a cold hearted bitch, you know that?”
“Tell me something Ben hasn’t already told me.”
The effervescent blue in her eyes faded, all the blood draining from her face. That’s not what he wanted to say. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he was hurting himself and didn’t know the right way to handle it.
John grunted “I don’t understand you right now. Would you rather Brooke not have a father at all? Do you not want my help now? What is it? That paper means nothing, Alyssa. You know damn well it doesn’t.”
“It’s not about that.”
Shaking his head, he said, “Are you waiting for that low life to be released to give him another chance? Is that it? Because I swear to God, Alyssa, I will kill him. I will slaughter him if he comes anywhere near you and Brooke.”
Alyssa shivered. Dear God that was the last thing she wanted. “No,” she whispered.
“Then what is it? Because I can’t figure out why you’re so against me all of a sudden.”
Alyssa turned and sat on her bed. Staring at her paisley green comforter she said, “I just don’t want you to walk out when times get tough, because there will be tough times. What if you have a girlfriend and she suddenly becomes your priority? What if you get tired of playing house? What if you have a baby one day? I couldn’t bare my daughter going through separation pain. So, I’ll protect her from the start of it all.” Alyssa placed a hand over hear heart. “Do you see where I’m coming from now?”
John sighed. Propping against the dresser in the darkening room, he looked at the cracked blinds. The shadows drew bar like images on the floor, representing the prison she just bound him to. Alyssa was locking him out.
“So you’re not going to give me a chance all of a sudden? Really, Alyssa? After everything? Haven’t I proven myself to you?”
Glancing up, she locked eyes with John. Her heart was heavy and tired. It wasn’t about proving himself.
“Yes, you have, John, but I can’t help worry that something else might come your way and steer your priorities since now you have no legal claim to her. It would be so easy for you to up and leave … and I’m truly scared of that.”
Pushing against the dresser, John made his way to Alyssa and cupped the sides of her face.
“Please, don’t shut me out. Just give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking for, a chance. Let me show you I’m not going anywhere,” he begged. He wasn’t sure if he could take her shutting him out.
“I thought you were her father. I felt it in my bones, in my heart. Why did we have to go and get that stupid test done?” she began to cry. “I wished we hadn’t …”
John stroked her tear soaked cheeks. What did he have to do to get through to her? “Sweetheart, that paper means nothing to me,” he said. “And it should mean nothing to you.”
“But it does. I can’t ignore it.”
“Don’t shut me out … I don’t know if I could handle it.”
“I’ll try not to, but Johnny, I can’t help it. The mama bear in me comes out. I feel the need to protect my baby.”
“Our baby.”