“Wasn’t too bad. Your mom kept reminding me to breathe.” She chuckled.
John picked his head up. “Did you forget or something?”
“Kinda. When the contractions hit, the pain was so intense that I held my breath wishing them away. She said it happened to her.”
John cursed under his breath. He wanted it to be him who was there for her.
“I’m really sorry. I know my apology means nothing and I can’t take back what I did, but just know you were on my mind. I just … I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s a lot of me to ask, but please try not to be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, Alyssa. Not one bit. I want to be mad, but I just can’t bring myself to that level. I understand why you did what you did. Did I want to be there? Hell yeah I did. Does it hurt that I wasn’t? More than you can imagine, but I’ll get over it.” He looked at her. “I like that my mom was there for you.”
John wiped away the tears under her eyes with the pads of his thumbs. She looked down when he finished. “Hey.” He pulled her gaze back to his. “Are you happy?”
Alyssa shrugged. “As happy as I can be, I guess.”
John’s eyes traveled her face from her sunken cheeks to her chapped lips. He couldn’t tear his eyes from them, so he leaned in and tilted his head. He was going in for a kiss, but she stiffened under him and he paused.
“Congratulations on your baby girl, Alyssa,” he looked deep into her eyes. He wanted her to know he meant every word. “I was wishing for a son, but knowing she’s healthy and happy is just as good, if not better,” he whispered so close to her lips.
“Don’t.” She wasn’t sure if she could handle his kiss.
“I’m trying not to …” He fought with everything in him. The blood in his veins roared, igniting a fury of want inside him. It was stronger than ever. He needed more with her, more of her kisses, her touch. It didn’t matter what, he would take anything she was willing to give him.
“Please … don’t,” she begged. She wasn’t ready for it.
“Can I hold her?” he asked.
Alyssa gulped. She’d been so nervous with anyone holding or touching Brooke. “Or not …”
“You can!” she said. “Do you know how?”
“Kinda, but it’s been a long time since I held my brothers. Can you show me?”
Alyssa smiled. “Sure. Put your arms out like you’re carrying a watermelon and I’ll place her in your arms. Make sure you hold her head up.”
Alyssa knelt down in front of John and placed Brooke in his hold. Leaning over, her shirt fell open and her heavy, much bigger breasts appeared in John’s vision. His mouth watered at the sight of them.
“Hold her like you’re running with a football.” John looked up with the biggest smile on his face. Her cheeks heated when she smiled back.
“Now hold her head,” she said, and lifted his elbow slightly. “See how she’s elevated? Keep her like that.”
Brooke sucked away at her thumb as he cradled her. John couldn’t believe he was holding his daughter. Biologically, there might be a chance she wasn’t his, but when she opened her eyes and looked up at him he was done. In that moment, regardless of blood type, she was his in every sense of the word.
“She’s like a tiny little cupcake. I want to take a bite out of. Her curls are the icing and the rest is the yummy, fluffy cupcake part.”
The belly laugh that came out of Alyssa had John smiling. It was the first time in many months he’d heard her laugh.
“What? She does! She’s so cute.” John was in awe holding Brooke. “I can’t believe I’m holding our daughter.”
Alyssa’s smile faltered, her laughter fading away. “Uh huh. No more tears, you got that?” John cupped her face. She leaned into his touch and nodded.
Brooke was his daughter the moment he laid eyes on her. Screw that fucker Ben. Brooke was his. He knew it in his gut the instant he held her. “She’s mine. I know it.”
“What makes you think that?”
John shrugged. “I don’t know … Her skin coloring … her hair … her eyes. It’s a gut feeling I have.”
“Her eyes are grayish blue, John. I hate to break it to you but a lot of babies are born with eyes that color.”