It was two weeks later and Alyssa had a meeting with the attorney, but she hadn’t gone for the paternity test yet. All she could think about was how invasive it would be, like she was letting go of a piece of her being, and she didn’t like it one bit. Not only would they be sticking a long cotton swab in her mouth, but they would be doing the same to her daughter.
Alyssa swaddled Brooke to her chest. She sat, staring at the serene lake before her. With all the chaos in her life, she needed this peace. She needed a place she once found joy and happiness in. She needed to go back to where it all started and know she hadn’t lost it completely. She had no music playing, just the harmony of the woods at her fingertips. Trees swayed, an occasional flying fish made an appearance as she took in the environment in front of her. This … now this was bliss.
Placing a kiss to her forehead, she stared at her little miracle. Creamy soft skin with dark lashes and blonde hair. Each doctor was flabbergasted that she hadn’t miscarried with the amount of injuries she obtained. Maybe it was due to her placing herself front and center as much as she could to brunt the extent of the injuries to her stomach. Who the hell knew. All that mattered now was that her daughter was happy and safe.
The sound of crinkling leaves and branches caused Alyssa to stiffen. She tensed, scared to look over her shoulder.
“I had a feeling I’d find you here,” John drawled.
Her mouth dropped open, ice cold shock ran through her veins at the sight of him. He’d told her he was coming home in the past but never showed. She didn’t think he’d actually keep his word this time.
John sat down next to her. Looking over at the baby bundled in Alyssa’s arms, he said, “She’s beautiful. Has your blonde hair.” He bobbed his head and turned away. The look of hurt that plagued him was instantly felt.
John crossed his arms over his knees and stared at the lake not making contact with her. He knew something had been going on with Alyssa, but he never would’ve guessed it was the birth of her child … a daughter to be exact. John didn’t know what to do or say. He was upset, devastated, and full of happiness all at the same time. A mixed bag of emotions he didn’t know how to control. He was not expecting this.
How could she have not told him? He needed to tread lightly and not jump to conclusions, which wasn’t easy. John had been looking forward to the birth only to be stripped of it.
“When was she born?”
“I went into labor a little early. She was born two weeks ago.”
“Huh,” he huffed, shaking his head in denial. “So everyone knew but me? Unreal. No matter what I do, I never seem to win.” John reached down and picked up a stick, crushing it between his fingers. “Nothing is ever right. Or enough.”
Her jaw burned from holding back the tears. “John, I’m sorry … I just wasn’t ready yet.”
His shoulders rose, then dropped. He kept his voice even, monotone. “I’m trying to put myself in your shoes right now. I really am.
I get where you’re coming from, I do, it’s just hard to accept it at the moment. All the times I asked you about your pregnancy, the pain you had, and you’d already given birth. You lied. I thought it was something I did, so I was giving myself headaches trying to figure it out.” John shook his head. He was beyond hurt that it was hard to form words without going off on her.
“I’m sorry … I didn’t do it intentionally,” she said quietly.
“Yeah, you did.” John clenched his jaw, keeping his temper reeled in. It wasn’t easy, but he would do it. For her, and her daughter. “You purposely kept it from me. You could’ve told me the next day, three days, whenever, but you didn’t. I had to come home to a house full of baby gear to find out.”
Alyssa sniffled and even though he shouldn’t feel bad that she was upset, he did. What was wrong with him?
“What’s her name?” he asked, staring at the lake.
“Brooke Elyse.”
John cracked a small smile. “Elyse is my mom’s middle name.”
“It is? I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah,” he said, looking at her finally. “It is.” John noticed the dark blue circles under her eyes, the hollowness in her cheeks, it all tugged at his heart telling him to take it easy. She looked completely and utterly drained. As much as he wanted to lash out at her for lying and refusing his effort to be part of her life, he just couldn’t find it in him. It wasn’t fair to her or Brooke.
“Please don’t be upset with your parents, I asked them not to tell you yet. I know it wasn’t fair for me to ask that, but I was a mess. I still am …”
“I wanted to be there for you, Alyssa. I looked forward to her being born. I just can’t believe I missed it and not from lack of trying.”
A tear slipped free from his honesty. She never meant to hurt him. Alyssa flattened her lips, trying to fight the feelings streaming through her. “If it helps, your mom was by my side the entire time.” A weak smile plagued her face. “I don’t know how I could have done it without her.”
John’s heart cracked at the sight of her hollow blues. The last thing he wanted was to see her cry, especially with her daughter in her arms. So he sucked it up.
Extending an arm, he wrapped it around her shoulders and pulled her to him. A cry broke free from her lips as she rested her head on his chest. He knew she was trying to fight the tears by the shaking in her back. “Shhh,” he said, and wrapped his other arm around her, cocooning her to him. John would deal with his emotions later. He wanted to make sure she felt safe in his arms. He rested his head lightly on hers. “It’s okay, Alyssa.”
“It’s not. It was wrong of me.”
“Hey—I’m happy my mom was there for you, that you weren’t alone. Did you have an easy delivery?”