There was safety here with Elias. The appreciation in his gaze, the affection, even the secrets comforted her. Anticipation warmed her blood. Excitement. Attraction.
Belonging.
Elias was behind her now, raising the fine hairs on the back of her neck. Roksana balanced on the balls of her feet, wiggling her fingers at her sides. She shuffled nimbly, willing adrenaline into her legs and without warning she pivoted and delivered a high kick in the direction of his chin. He narrowly avoided the strike, but without using his otherworldly speed.
“Don’t hold back on me,” she breathed, advancing on him.
They moved across the mat in a choreographed dance, Roksana spinning, kicking, throwing punches, but he moved just out of her reach every time, ducking, evading, and finally he crouched, sweeping her legs out from under her with a low, arcing kick. Roksana eliminated the angles and rolled when she hit the mat, springing off the mat, finally catching him in the face with a sharp right hook.
Watching in slow motion as his head jerked back, Roksana’s heart lurched in her ribcage and her footing faltered, arms going slack at her sides. She’d actually hit him. After all this time, she’d done something to cause him pain. She’d always thought the world would stop spinning when she finally did it, but all she felt was…his approval, along with her own.
“Nice,” was all he said, beckoning her forward again with sexy chagrin. “That fucking hurt.”
Joy carried a laugh up from her belly, filling her mouth. An image of her mother standing above her while she bled on the floor of the library flickered in her mind. The sound of disgusted laughter. The shame, the anguish, the yearning for affection crowding in her throat while she stretched up a hand to Inessa and was denied.
There was none of that darkness here with Elias. There was sweet welcoming completion. His encouragement opened a dam of emotion inside of her and the rush was so powerful, she gasped under the deluge. She’d been wrong all along. Oh God, she’d been so very wrong about him and now her loyalty would have to expand. It had to expand to include both mountains. Was that even possible? She didn’t know. But she had to try.
When she made no move to continue the fight, the tension unlocked Elias’s muscles and the concentration on his face turned to concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Jonas showed me the videotape,” she blurted, pressing her hands to her burning cheeks. “He showed me the videotape of that night in the chapel.”
Vampires were pale by nature, but his complexion leached of even more color. “Videotape?”
Heat welled up behind her eyes, but she forced the tears away. Breathed through the sorrow and firmed her chin. She wouldn’t court sympathy she didn’t deserve. “You didn’t hurt my friends, Elias. You didn’t even touch them. You just protected me.” She held up her palms, disarmed of her hate, her weapons, her war against him. “I was wrong. You didn’t want to be Silenced, did you? Instead, it was me that brought this on you.”
He stared at a spot over her shoulder, jaw rigid. Nothing was said for several seconds, until, “I’m glad I didn’t directly kill your friends. Of course I am.”
“Not directly or indirectly,” she sputtered. “I saw you on the tape. How you were that night. You couldn’t have done anything to stop it. You were—”
A choked sound left him and he turned away, a shudder traveling through his broad shoulders. When he turned and ticked his eyes back to Roksana’s they were confusingly guarded.
“Whether or not that’s true, Roksana, it doesn’t mean you’re to blame instead.”
“It does,” she insisted. “At least partly.”
“No,” he barked. “I’m not letting you take the blame for what I can’t remember.”
Roksana reared back. “You would remember wanting to be a vampire. Seeking out the means to do it.”
Elias rolled a restless shoulder. “Leave it alone, Roksana.”
“Leave it alone?” She recoiled from the suggestion that she not take responsibility for her mistakes. “You have been pissed with me for years. Now when I really deserve a good ‘fuck you, I told you so,’ you’re just letting me slide? I don’t think so.” He raked a hand through his hair and snorted. but not even the play of delicious muscle could distract her from the point. Was Elias protecting her from something, like he always did? But from what? She didn’t want to be spared from the blame. If she’d earned the burden, she would damn well carry it. “Fine. If you choose to deny me any responsibility for you being made immortal against your will, you have another reason to curse my name.”
Temper flared in his eyes, power coiling in his biceps. “I will never curse your name.”
Dread swamped her, but she pushed through. She owed him full honesty. “Not even if killing you is part of my mission from Inessa?”