'I don't know if that's - ' Carrot began.
'Please think very carefully,' said Dr Downey. 'We three represent most of the guilds of this city. We feel we have a good reason for inspecting the Commander's office. You will of course accompany us to see that we do nothing illegal.'
Carrot looked awkward. 'I suppose ... if I'm with you...' he said.
'That's right,' said Downey. 'That makes it official.'
Carrot led the way. 'I don't even know if he's back,' he said, opening the door. 'As I said, we've been... oh.'
Downey peered around him and at the figure slumped over the desk.
'It would appear that Sir Samuel is in,' he said. 'But quite out of it.'
'I can smell the drink from here,' said Mrs Palm. 'It's terrible what drink will do to a man.'
'A whole bottle of Bearhugger's finest,' said Mr Boggis. 'All right for some, eh?'
'But he hasn't touched a drop all year!' said Carrot, giving the recumbent Vimes a shake. 'He goes to meetings about it and everything!'
'Now let us see...' said Downey.
He pulled open one of the desk drawers.
'Captain Carrot?' he said. 'Can you witness that there appears to be a bag of greyish powder in here? I will now - '
Vimes's hand shot out and slammed the drawer on the man's fingers. His elbow rammed back into the assassin's stomach and, as Downey's chin jerked down, Vimes's forearm swung upwards and caught him full on the nose.
Then Vimes opened his eyes.
'Wassat? Wassat?' he said, raising his head. 'Dr Downey? Mr Boggis? Carrot? Hmm?'
'Hwat? Hwat?' screamed Downey. 'You hnsfruck me!'
'Oh, I'm so sorry,' said Vimes, concern radiating from every feature as he pushed the chair back into Downey's groin and stood up. 'I'm afraid I must have dropped off and, of course, when I woke up and found someone stealing from...'
'You're raving drunk, man!' said Mr Boggis.
Vimes's features froze.
'Indeed? Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,' he snarled, prodding the man in the chest. 'A peck of bloody pickled peppers Peter Piper damn well picked. Do you want me to continue?' he said, poking the man until his back was against the wall. 'It doesn't get much better!'
'Hwhat about thif packet?' shouted Downey, clutching his streaming nose with one hand and waving at the desk with the other.
Vimes still wore a wild-eyed mirthless grin. 'Ah, well, yes,' he said. 'You've got me there. A highly dangerous substance.'
'Ah, you admit it!'
'Yes, indeed. I suppose I have no alternative but to dispose of the evidence...' Vimes grabbed the packet, ripped it open and tipped most of the powder into his mouth.
'Mmm mmm,' he said, powder spraying everywhere as he masticated. 'Feel that tingle on the tongue!'
'But that's arsenic,' said Boggis.
'Good gods, is it?' said Vimes, swallowing. 'Amazing! I've got this dwarf downstairs, you know, clever little bugger, spends all his time with pipes and chemicals and things to find out what is arsenic and what isn't, and all the time here's you able to spot it just by looking! I've got to hand it to you!'
He dropped the torn packet into Boggis's hand, but the thief jerked back and the packet tumbled to the floor, spraying its contents.
'Excuse me,' said Carrot. He knelt down and peered at the powder.